Still confused

Still confused

Still confused

I keep swinging. One moment my heart aches for you and I miss you; the next, I am disgusted by you.

I didn’t want this to be serious, you forget. YOU are the one who made us joint world travel plans on your giant world map. YOU are the one who created playlists for us. YOU are the one who called us an item and YOU are the one who, not only two weeks ago, were talking about future plans 2 years into the future.

Unfortunately, I like being loved and so I took each of your actions and ran with them (with much happiness). I fell madly in love with you because you seemed like you, unlike my ex, actually liked this commitment thing.

And then BAM: YOU broke up with me. And you can’t even give me honest answers as to why. This makes me feel like it’s really something to do with me and that effects my self-esteem so badly. You broke up with me in such a horrible and damaging way. You were so selfish.

I don’t like wishing badly upon anyone but my GOD I wish that you get STIs from fucking around, I wish that you can’t find anyone that you can connect with for a long time, I wish that you feel as lonely as I do. I suppose at the end of the day, I wish that you realize that you gave up being with someone incredible all because you were a coward.

You know what? I think I might become glad that I’m no longer with you. And I hope that sometime soon, I stop questioning my worthiness and sanity and that I can learn to trust again because, you’re not worth it.


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