I know we were only together a few months but I wish I’d ended it earlier – you never seemed fully invested – even though you would talk about us having a future together. So many mixed signals.
I was happy to wait and travel round the world with you – yes i would love to get married one day but Christ, not yet! I’m annoyed at myself for acting a little insecure in the last few days of our relationship but then there must have been something bugging me to make me ask these things of you.
I only ended it because I sensed you were unhappy (maybe because I’d pushed you away with my insecurities), also I wanted the upper hand. It makes me feel slightly sick to think that you really liked me at one stage and then in those last days, it felt like you didn’t give a rats a***.
In a way I’m also annoyed because I think you deliberately went over to your ‘dark-side’ because you weren’t happy and so you knew this might make end things with you because you didn’t have the guts to do it yourself.
Actually thinking back to a lot of your texts e.g. when you’d say, oh i’m feeling good today, let’s go do this’ it was always about you. I can’t believe i put myself as 2nd best. I allowed you to pull the wool over my eyes.
I’m sad that I never got proper closure but I know that I definitely wouldn’t be able to do that now as you would most likely say the wrong thing. anyway I feel I’ve gotten everything off my chest now. I’m not sure how long it’s going to take for me to stop thinking about you with someone else. I hope soon.
1 Comment
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Hi Amy,
I completely empathize with your letter. I am sorry you are feeling so hurt. I too am getting over a heart break with a man that pushed me away so much that he wasn’t the man I fell in love with.
It was only a few months for my Ib and I (total 6 before he proposed). But boy oh boy I loved him. It’s been a couple of months and I think about him every second of every minute of every day. I picture him coming to my door, us talking, getting things resolved and we hug and kiss, move away together, travel the world together.
I felt that it turned into everything about him. Even his proposal was about him “will you still be with me if I say stupid things” . I had a gun pointed in my direction and since it inconvenienced him he didn’t come to comfort me. I felt like I didn’t know how to love him. I felt like his needs were more important than mine and I’m not sure how I changed. I stopped believing that he had my back. I started feeling like I wasn’t good enough. Funny you say that you got mixed signals about the future. I was very sure that I wanted to be him until he told me he would leave me if I accidentally got pregnant. He also created a profile to look at women … so hurtful since he didn’t want to be intimate with me.
I find talking about this helpful … I hope that you are doing well!
I didn’t have proper closure either. I feel like calling him every day and I want this pain to go away. Are you still in pain Amy? Or did this letter help.
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