Dear Paul,

I still wish we were together. There are many nights where I wish I were wrapped in your arms–that we were cuddling, kissing, or just simply enjoying each others’ company. I miss you terribly. Every single time I get a message from you, whether it’s a silly little update or you tell me some great news, my heart leaps in a grandiose triple jump. I sing when I hear from you. For quite a few hours, too. I still love you so very much. I wish I didn’t downplay my feelings for you while we were breaking up over the phone. I said, “I’m emotionally invested in you.” I wanted to say, “–But I still love you!” but I was too afraid. I wanted to say, “I don’t want to break up!” but that would have been too selfish. And I’m not a selfish person, at least I don’t think so. Although I know fighting for us to stay together wouldn’t have changed much of anything because we were going in different directions, I still think I should have fought for you, because I still loved you. And I still do love you. And I think, it would’ve meant something to you.

I also want to sincerely apologize for ever doing you wrong–I was going through a hard time and feeling alone on a day-to-day basis. While in college, this wasn’t easy for me. I want to apologize because I made you feel like you weren’t a priority as I spent late nights studying when you simply wanted to visit. I let my pride and my pain get between us. I should have been stronger.

Life seems to be getting a direction now. Still on the hunt for a job post-college, but I hope that will turn around soon. MCATs will approach quickly, I’m sure, but I’m creating a study schedule so I can maximize my time. I’m looking forward to the family vacation in the next week. It’ll be exciting. I hope you’re having a good time doing what you love best–riding your motorcycle on the highway, exercising, and just plain ol’ relaxing.

I wish you the most happiness you will ever find. I secretly cross my fingers that it will include me, but that’s not a realistic expectation. Even if I can’t be with you as a girlfriend, I hope that we will remain friends for a long, long time. And if you decide that we should part ways, I’ll be hurt, but if it’s best for you, I think I could deal with it. Love is about admiration–it is not possessive. And throughout our relationship, I greatly admired you. You were straight-to-the-point, said what you meant and meant what you said, and pursued all interests that you loved without feeling bogged down because of “life.” I always admired that! You are an incredible person, and you will do great things. I wish you the best, and send you all my love.

Sincerely and with great love,

Sweet Pea