The loss of Spanky

The loss of Spanky

The loss of Spanky

We’ve been apart for 4 weeks since you told my you were done. Not a minute of a day passes when I don’t think of you and your smile, your eyes, the way you smell. I never appreciated the love we had or the  life we built together, I took it for granted because I didn’t realize what love really is. I had this idea that love had to be showered on me in order to feel it and I wouldn’t reciprocate unless it was. But everything we had was love…

The way you checked in with me throughout the day. The sweet messages you would post online. The meals you would make in advance to make life easier. The way you took care of me when I was sick. The errands you ran for me when I didn’t have the time. The little things around the house we did to keep our home together. The glances you would give me from another room, or the simple text of a smile or heart, to let me know I was on your mind. The slide of your foot along the back of my leg at night because it was cold.

All signs of love and that you were thinking of me. I missed all the signs, I wanted my own signs, and for that I am sorry. I can’t undo my past actions and hurt. I can’t apologize enough for making you feel neglected. I have always loved you more deeply than you know and because I missed the signs I withdrew from our life. Love is more than the individual wants we have its about the culmination of all the little things, that we miss day to day that we wouldn’t do for anyone else. I thought I was building a life for us but I lost focus on our life.

I guess you will never forgive me or love me again, I pushed you too far and I can no longer reach you. Its the hardest thing I have ever had to say. I love you eternally and I always will, I cannot imagine a day that I will not think about you or our life together in some way. You have touched me more deeply than any person I have ever met and I thank you for that. Because of you  I am going to be the person I always wanted to be, I wish it were with you. I  pray that one day you think of me as fondly and remember the good times and the love we once had. I will never forget the day we met, first kissed, first date, first time making love, engaged, married, and had our children. Life with you was bliss but I was blind.

Im sorry my love. I miss you


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