I have come to realize that me leaving you had nothing to do with kids, no kids, adoption, no adoption. It actually had everything to do with us.
You pushed me so far away that I truly thought you wanted me to break it off because you didn’t want to do it for yourself. I felt your “being in the relationship” and “not being in the relationship” was so chaotic that I truly didn’t know what you wanted. I wanted to love you, I wanted to show you and I felt like none of that was good enough.
I didn’t really feel like you wanted me as a part of your life. I felt that if it was not done your way, it was not done. Babe, it was your way or no way. Even your proposal was about you “will you still marry me if I say stupid things”. You couldn’t even tell me why you loved me … honey, I needed that.
When I wrote you that letter in Peru and you said “o.k.”, I knew then that our life together would be one with very little communication. I was unhappy hon, I don’t think that I hid that. You knew that … but I was mostly unhappy because I couldn’t openly love you.
I started seeing a therapist in February because I could not cope with the up and down moods. It was driving me crazy and I didn’t know how to love your personality.
I feel like it was 2 people in a relationship that weren’t meant to be. AND that statement makes me so sad because we fell in love and my love for you was so real, so pure, and I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.