dear, x-

i’ve had an itch to write you an email on and off and have attempted, but it didn’t feel right. i’ve listened to my gut about that. the last few times we chatted over email, i was still working through anger and everything was very fresh. I was not ready to see you when you showed up in person. after that, i was at a loss as to how to get the space i needed, because it didn’t seem like you understood when i requested it.

like most, i have an uncomfortable relationship with loss. making the choice to turn my back on the immediate task of creating a friendship out of our failed relationship wasn’t at all easy, but it felt like the healthiest decision. the situation was hurtful and there was very little trust to hold on to– to put it simply, it had become toxic and it needed time to dissolve itself.

i am spelling out these things with brevity, but i really hope that you’ve come to an understanding of the reasons  behind my actions through time. i hope you know that i cared about you greatly and, while things didn’t pan out in the best way, i’ve done my best to release you with love. life is short and i’ve made what decisions i could to have a healthy, happy life, and i have accepted what decisions were not mine to make.

i don’t know if there’s anywhere to go from here. you made a facebook request earlier this summer (& pulled out while i was taking my good old time to think about it and respond). for me, facebook is not the first clear step, but i’ve been meaning to write you a message. my lame excuse is that i’ve been busy juggling a lot of work. my other excuse is that things done without urgency have more clear intention. my intention is not to propose or request anything, but simply to open a small, slow moving stream for communication. no expectations or deadlines.

i hope that you are well in life, x.