Dear Chris,

There is so much I want to say, but I don’t know where to start. A part of me wishes I could say all this to your face..  I just don’t know where things went wrong.

That day our fathers went hunting to help their friends boy, I knew we’d become close friends. You were always there for me and we only got closer as time went on. You’ve always been a good influence on me and you’ve convinced me to stop bad habits. I can’t thank you enough for that. I had the best times of my life with you.

It was pretty obvious I cared about you a lot. Maybe even loved you. After we broke up for the first time I cried for weeks.. College came up and I was out of the picture. You completely forgot about me and started talking to a new girl.. Then we worked things out and then you left me again. I remember that whole night like it happened last night. You really treated me like shit.

I hate you so much for everything you put me through that night because I felt like I was dying. I couldn’t breathe and I was hurt so bad. I eventually got better after a month or two and I saw you had a new new girlfriend.. I died all over again. You treated her so much better than me. Sometimes I wonder if I even meant anything to you.. You tweeted about your new girlfriend.. Posted pictures of you two..

I don’t understand how you could move on so fast. Did I really not make that big of an impact on your life? You meant everything to me. I tried to treat you good and make you the happiest guy on earth but i’m wondering now if that entire time, if you were just using me and I never really had a chance with you? How were you able to leave me like I was nothing? I was hopelessly in love with you. I smiled every time I had gotten a text from you.

The way you talked to me, the way you looked at me… I thought what we had was something special. I actually thought you cared. I just want you to be happy, and if it’s not with me, that’s fine because you’re the only person I have loved enough to put before myself. Seeing you happy, makes me happy, and that’s what love is… Right? I’ll admit it hurts to see you doing so fine without me while i’m slowly dying without you.. Seeing that smile on your face and knowing i’m not the reason it’s there.. It’s heart shattering. BUT I’m absolutely glad you’re happy. That is all I ever wanted for you. I am so sorry I was not good enough for you. I wish you only happiness, while it hurts to think of you with someone else, I know that you will find all the things I never was.

Have a nice life stranger. I will always be here for you.