i’m sorry for communicating only through text. it was immature but it’s the only way i can express myself without having a panic attack.

i’m sorry i drunk texted you that night and ranted so much.

i’m sorry you had to listen to all my fucked up shit about being sexually abused.

i’m sorry that even after i decided to tell you about my shitty family problems, i still had trust issues with you.

i’m sorry i was overbearing and poured all this personal stuff on you. looking back now i’m understanding how saying all that stuff would’ve freaked out anyone. i was moving too fast. i don’t think anyone should have to deal with my emotional baggage either.

i’m sorry i never tell you when i’m feeling suicidal, but i’ve learned through experience that no one likes a depressed person.

i’m sorry i whine about insignificant things; if i don’t keep myself preoccupied with small details, i might implode from all the negative emotions lurking in the back of my mind.

i’m sorry i romanticized you, held you up to impossible standards.

i’m sorry you had to find out about my feelings through another person.

i’m sorry that i’m such a coward that i can’t tell you these things directly so i’m posting them instead on the internet.

i want to be better, trust me, but fear has ruled over so much of my life and i can’t seem to muster up the courage to talk to you. i deleted your number and text history so i wouldn’t ever drunk text/dial you again.

your rejection was hurtful and i expected you to at least do it in person but looking back, i can’t blame you because i was the first one to resort to texting.

i’m sorry i’ve been avoiding you recently. i can’t bear seeing how unfazed you are by this whole thing while i’m slowly killing myself inside my head with all the negativity. every time you try to talk to me normally i feel like you’re flaunting how insignificant my existence is in your life and i don’t want to become spiteful but it’s so hard when i see you with your perfect life.

but ultimately i do hope you find happiness. it was never my intention to drag you down with me. i was just so happy, so relieved that someone finally wanted to listen.