Some people may ask whether there is a point in writing such a letter – whether there is any value in doing a task that has no true purpose, outcome measure, or even receiving end beyond trying to get something off my chest that has been there in the last year. It has been a long time since the pain, anger, and hurt have numbed and I have since forgiven you for leaving me at a time when I needed you, a time when I acted irrationally because I was scared and insecure, a time when I had just needed a bit longer for you to reassure me that you were going to stay by my side while I sorted through my emotions.
Alas, when I sent that e-mail to you, it did not end the way I had hoped – I am and was a simple person. I thought that honesty and open communication would clear up the air. Now I realize I tried to change you into someone you were not, my wishes were not realistic, and I probably hurt you in the process.
I could write pages and pages about what I went through after, how I hated you, yet loved you at the same time, but all of that is meaningless at this time.
All I feel is important is that I want to remember the happy moments – moments I do cherish to this day because they bring a smile to my face. I am confident to say that I did love you deeply. We can not choose who we end up falling in love with – there is no rhyme or reason, I can’t control how I feel. Every time we were together, despite a short time given the long distance, I was happy – I truly was. I longed to see you, I was willing to do anything to make it work. Now I realize that there is certainly a degree of naivety in all these actions, and perhaps you are right in saying that our personalities are not compatible.
However, it does not change the fact that I was genuinely happy. When I was angry and hurt, I tried to discount those memories and the entire relationship. But I can’t lie to myself – I do care about you and despite whatever happens in the future, I want you to be happy too, whether I am in the picture or not. Although my happiness with you did not come without a price for the turbulent emotions the year after our break-up, I don’t regret our time together and I still want to thank you for giving me a chance to love. It is not easy to give your heart away to someone – to create that level of vulnerability and give someone the power to be able to hurt you. However, I don’t regret the relationship. I wish we had ended things on a better note.
I don’t know what happens after this. I imagine I try to cherish the memories, try to forget your place in my heart, and try to move on. I do not know if I will meet someone else who will make me feel the same way. I just want to feel protected, loved, and respected by someone who will take responsibility and stay by my side when I need them the most. I know I have reflected for the past year and I have changed – I know some of my demands were not fair to you and I am willing to change. Are you willing to change to make this work?