To the one who left me

We could have been married and living happily by now if you didn’t choose to cheat on me. You and I, we used to have this beautiful relationship which brings envy from people around us. I remembered myself being the happiest, healthiest girl with you around. You were the solution to all my agony. Never once I felt afraid or lonely in my life. Sometimes, I wondered if this is the reason for leaving. A girl who is too dependent on you, probably I am like a chore which made you really tired.

You were my best friend, lover, and my life partner to be. I remembered how we been through the ups and downs in life together and how we worked hard for the coming future. The house, the wedding plans was like a dream that crumpled within seconds. Is she really worth let everything we had gone?

I always thought I have very high tolerance for the pain but I was so wrong until the moment I found out about her and the cheating, I was aching with pain and I couldn’t speak for days. I always thought heartbreak is just an emotional .When I experienced it myself, it just felt weirdly painful and the heart will ache physically too.

I suffered the most unbearable pain; you made not only me but my family whom I love dearly hurt as well. It is alright to be crying, sinking myself with alcohol but what hurts me the most is seeing my parents shed tears for seeing me in such a devastated state. Each night, I had to sleep it off and prayed that it was all a dream and sleeping pills became my new buddy. I wondered if you know that, when I lost you. I don’t only lose you; I have lost trust, faith and myself. I t felt like I lost everything. Everything in the world became monochrome.

The pain you gave me is real and there’s no other way to describe how bad it really hurts than to name it heartbreak. I was continuously living in denial and longing for the past. I felt completely empty and abandoned. It makes it hard to get up in the morning and to get through the day. I was depressed with the loss. How could you, being the most responsible guy who loved me dearly done that to me. You created a barrier that can prevent me from feeling and experiencing life. You made me a worst person. I cannot help it but filled with hatred and continuously cursing for both of you. Subsequently, I live with an ache, a deep ache that erupts from the inside of my body longing for the past. There were rebounds, and a part of me searching for someone like you.

And here I am writing this cause I gladly have survived the phrase of devastation, crying too much, self-loathing, silly revenge plots and drunkenness. It was a hard lesson but I have decided to forgive you. Not because you deserve it but because I needed the peace for my soul.

“Thank you for the laughs, the loves, and showing me everything I don’t want in a man.”

You were the biggest contributor of me become a more confident and strong person from this experiences.  Nevertheless, you are forgiven and I hope that you could be a real man who will never cheat on this third party you have got there. You have my genuine blessings!