False hope

False hope

False hope

I hate you. I hate you because I love you. I hate you because you make me love you and I’m so scared that I’ll never stop loving you. I put excuses in my head as a façade, telling myself that you’re just some guy. Just some guy. But you’re more than some guy because in all honesty, I am consumed by you. There isn’t a minute that goes by where I don’t think about you and what could have been only if you loved back. But I love alone. I always do.

I try to think about what it would be like if you just saw what I saw in you; what I see in you. It’s been three years of constant thoughts in my head of what if and how. I mean, I told you I liked you, I had already gone through that, but I’m scared to tell you I love you. Really tell you I love you. It’s hard for me to come to terms with what I deal with every day but I’m sure you see it. I’m sure you can see it when I can never get mad at you even when you do the dumbest things like false promises. I know you can see it when I look at you. I know you can because every time I look at you I want to kiss you. For a moment I think you might want to kiss me as well but you never do. It’s always false hope with you, yet I cannot walk away. I don’t think I ever will.


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