I don’t even blame you…

I don’t even blame you…

I don’t even blame you…

As I feel like I am getting further from are relationship day by day. I can’t really blame you for the break up. I mean in the beginning I was so up-beat still had my financial problems but had all of these great characteristic traits. I was passionate, a sex addict from not being a man whore after my last relationship, I was open minded, understanding, loving, listened to you, and all. You were the same and that is what got me to fall in love with you, By the time I constantly told my self to leave you or even her will get hurt I could not. So in the end this is what I guess I was waiting for. I knew the bottom will fall out. But you have to understand that I intentionally did not want it to end, especially not in the matter it have been done. It really broke my heart when I found them text, naked pics, and emails between you and them guys. Can you understand what that can do to a person? I accepted it and tried to deal with it. Thinking it was just a phase but remembering all them poems about how addicted you were… Were they even about me?

Why would you lie to me over and over again in our relationship. How is it that I hurt you? From me hurting myself? I know I drank a lot and talked to women but that was only when you talked to them men online. That did not give a fuck about you. I never wanted to even get with them girls. Nor did I even go to that woman house, I was across the damn street. Getting high and drunk with friends. I wanted you to feel how I felt. Shattered and heart broken. You could not even understand that you were the only woman I wanted. While you entertain all them men. I don’t hate you or blame you. But you did not have to lie about that guy. You said you hated him and that you wanted to set him up (which by the way is evil as hell.) See you have way to many people around you telling you what you want to hear, and not telling you what you need to hear. Basically you seem like a damn guy yourself now.

So do think that a guy can be wife material? I don’t think so. But in the end I don’t blame you. I blame myself because in the end I was needy and really wanted you back not seeing that you did not love me at all. Because you don’t just do that to the people that you love. I was willing to stop drinking and actually did in till that night. I had asked if I could take you on dates I cooked for you because you said no. Only just to eat alone. I was the one out there working out with you everyday worried about your health. Not about your damn image see that’s what they want. I wanted the vision we had, the love that we shared, the nights that we cuddled, the jokes that we made. But in time god shows those colors and to be honest I will be here for you. I absolutely valued our relationship and I gave up friends for that shit and you know I never really had friends. But you were my best friend so it was worth it.

And about my ex… I never gave a fuck about her, she was literally nothing to me.

I just found out that the bitch have been coming around looking for me. I did not understand why they told me about her after the fact. She was stalking me waiting down the street as I visited my family. I know right (Yeah right…) I knew she wanted me back but she was not on my mind or the others. But in the end I blame myself. Because if I just handled my grown man shit other then playing videos games all day like a little boy. Really thinking you was okay with it. Most of that shit would of probably never even happened. But I was still in my young mind and wet behind the ears.

Don’t get it twisted either I was not sprung over you, and you did not have me wrapped around your finger. I was and still genuinely love you. I felt like I was loosing a Lover, a best friend, and a family member. But it sucks because now I’m moving up in the world not just for me… But for us. All I wanted was a simple text or phone call at least once a while. But this is literally the last letter I will make you. Either way I don’t blame you for leaving me or even not acknowledge me afterwards. I blame myself.

I love you… And hope that you are okay and happy. Where ever you are. I will always keep you in my prayers.


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