I need to get this off my chest…

I need to get this off my chest…

I need to get this off my chest…

Dear Bassett,

We have history… not a whole lot, but there’s history between us. We met at a great place, hung around each other for two weeks, and then said goodbye… at least for the time being. We started to text since we lived far apart, and I fell head over heals for you! Bassett, you were the first really cool guy to show interest in me. You made me feel special… until one day when I told you I could visit you, but not for as long as we had originally had talked about… you dropped me like yesterday’s leftovers…

We maybe talked three times after you said you weren’t ready for a relationship…. I could not stop thinking about you. Time kept passing where we didn’t talk, but still you filled my thoughts. I just want to know he’s doing okay… I just wish I knew how he was.. were just a few of my thoughts.. I finally was getting to the point of realizing that we were probably going to never talk again, when you messaged me and apologized… WHAT??! and what you told me just made my heart melt. Naïve little me forgave you immediately and we began talking again. Everything was going so great, and although we had only been talking for a month, you told me that you and a group of others would be at the same event I was going to! We would be able to see each other after a years time!!!

The day came where we reunited, and my heart skipped a beat. We spent the weekend together, and then you asked me to be your girlfriend on the last day.. YES! I was thrilled. My first boyfriend. How did I get so lucky with a great Christian, goofy, yet sensitive guy like you? I didn’t understand. We spent the whole day just being pretty lazy, and around 5pm (yes I remember the approximate time) we kissed… whoa.. my first kiss.. it felt so amazing. Before we knew it, it was time to say goodbye again.. till the next time which was unknown. We called each other and texted, but it seemed like it was starting to become less that we talked than before we declared our relationship.. We planned, then, for me to come visit you for your birthday about a month after the weekend. You told me your intentions for the weekend: to party… this was the first shock to me.. party? I’m not about that life, but I told you I would go anyway.

I got to your town, and everything was downhill from there. Over the phone you were this amazing Christian guy who encouraged my faith, but in person, you smoked cigarettes, weed, and drank.. a lot… you and your “buddies” turned up all the time.. I had no idea, and you KNEW that I didn’t agree with that kind of lifestyle. At one point, I asked you to stop smoking, and you said you couldn’t.. good to know that I’m not worth more than a cigarette to you, Bassett…. I should have left a day earlier, but I stayed and for that I want to apologize. I was lustful and selfish.. I knew that you were wrong for me, but the feeling of your lips against mine, your hands on my waist, was so pleasing, that I stayed.. I am so sorry.. I used you to satisfy my sinful desires.. but at the same time, I had fallen in love with you.. at least the person I thought I knew.. I loved you..

I wish you could have seen that and how messed up you made me feel. I feel played, like I was lied to. You were deceitful, and for that I wish I could demand an apology from you, but I don’t think you would take it to heart. I can still see the good deep down in your heart, but right now you are just so lost..I wish I could be there to be a good friend to encourage your walk with Christ, but right now you are surrounded by all the wrong people who will lead you further away.. I love you Maxwell, as a friend now, but I did before.. as more than a friend… I just wish you would flip your life around because you seriously deserve sooo much better than what you’re living right now.. There’s more I could say, but I think I’ve got most of it written down.. If you read this whole thing (which I doubt will ever happen) Thank you.


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