Dear S,

Ending our nearly eight year friendship of slow embers was the hardest decision I felt I had to make for my own sense of well-being, this year.

I miss you everyday.

It’s been a month I told you that I couldn’t be friends with you any longer and it probably ought to have occurred earlier.

I love you so much and your happiness, health and growth is so important and I realize how mine are too and how honouring my deepest feelings of love for you feels critical. I don’t like the feeling of interfering with your new relationship, and accepting that you broke up with me was hard and I have re-experienced loss each time we’ve tried to make time to see each other in person.

I thought I could be your friend after you broke up with me, but I realize how I would be denying my feelings.

I can’t help but feel there isn’t time or room for me in your life anymore and I feel insecure. It also felt that way when we were together, always it seemed at distance.

My anxiety makes me feel weak and it exhausts me. How much I miss you in my life sometimes physically feels like pins and needles and the last few days I have felt unexplainable sense of desperation to contact you to tell you where I am at and how I don’t want to give up on our friendship and that I love you. I wonder how you are.

I came across this website the other day because I thought about writing a letter to you; the first letter I read, I thought might be by you because it resonated with what I was feeling.

I wrote a letter and talked to a friend to rationalize me into not sending it to you immediately. I’ll revisit mid-January and if I can read it aloud without crying, then I will send it.

You mean so much to me and I really hope we can forge a new friendship in time. Life is so short and your presence and time with you talking, learning, sharing experiences and uncovering our fears and healing together is what I want to keep creating opportunities for despite our breakup.

You have seen all of me, and I want to continue to be there for you through thick and thin.

I hope you are well. I hope you feel loved and accepted in the way that you desire, right now.

-Me.