its pretty difficult to express how i feel now. Honestly, im not even sure anymore.
I have a girlfriend now and a brand new life. its been around 4 years since i had you with me as hard as it is for me to believe that when i say it out loud. Time for me has come to a standstill. its almost as if i live in a vacuum of time and space all alone. i was angry with you for so long, i wished that you never existed. I went out of my way to make you pay for my pain with your tears and it seemed like every apology you served to me felt just as empty and hollow as the last.
Your very name was the only fuel the fire needed to keep me going. i wanted to prove to you that i didnt need you anymore. Problem was i didnt stop to think of who i was trying to prove it to. I miss you truth be told. The late night attic kisses and talks, the feeling i had when you were with me, the invulnerability i had with just your words of encouragement. i just miss feeling at all. Its hard to explain how i feel. its not really numb, its not really bitter. Dead? cliche i suppose. i wish i could feel normal again.
Oh well, Fuck me right?
haha. i feel like youd laugh if you ever read that line. Superbad was one of our favorite movies.
I love you A word. i still do. i always will. i cant wish you well with a clear mind and conscious heart. i feel like ill be with you one day assuming we are alive when you realize what we had.