First Crush, First Love, First Break-up

First Crush, First Love, First Break-up

First Crush, First Love, First Break-up

It didn’t seem all that long ago when I asked you out on the fateful night, almost everything about our meeting I would describe as fateful. I still remember, fighting with my nerves to confess I liked you, the pounding of my heart, when I awaited your response, the overwhelming joy, when you said yes. Everyday I spent with you was in happiness, I loved you; you were everything to me, my happiness, my joy, my girlfriend.

From the first day I met you to now, I still have the same feelings for you. Every time you text me back, I still have the same excitement as I had 3 months ago, every time I see you again, I have the same butterflies in my stomach from the time of our first date. Even though we’re not together, I still have the same feelings for you. I will forever miss the times we had together, how bright you were, how happy I was with you, seeing you smile and enjoy yourself and how your sweet laughter would always melt my heart. Were we really as incompatible as you said we were? Did all our memories fade away as if we were nothing? All the times I told you that I loved you? All the good mornings and goodnights? All the moments we shared, movies we’ve watched, restaurants we’ve gone to, the passionate hugs and kisses we’ve had, all the late nights we stayed up studying or … cuddling. Did they all vanish as if they were nothing? I thought we had something special together, every moment I was with you, I felt that way.

I loved you with all my heart and yearned to be with you, I was so proud to change for you, almost everything I’ve done was with you in mind. I worked hard in Uni when my initial marks seemed bleak, I worked hard because I wanted to forge a bright future with you, I tried to become independent, I looked up to you and constantly strived to be as smart and confident as you were and even the small things like changing my phone, all because I loved you and I wanted to be with you. I still love you, why won’t you take me back, why is it too late?

Did I really deserve this? I haven’t cheated or corrupted our relationship; did we really need to end like this? You don’t own me anything, but I loved you and I still do. I dreamed of being with you for the rest of my life, I fantasised about travelling with you, graduating with you, marrying you, having children together, supporting the family, growing old with you, but most importantly; being with you.

I was always happy when you were happy, I have stuck to that moral since the beginning and I will see to it till the end. If ending this way will bring you happiness, then I will not deny this from you. It was my promise as a boyfriend and is now my promise as a friend. Alas, I am human and I’ve made my fair share of mistakes throughout the relationship. All the times we argued, all the disagreements we had, all the things I’ve done wrong. I regret having brought this upon you and I will regret it for the rest of my life. One day, I will look back and realise the amazing person I lost, the bright, joyful and kind girlfriend that I once trusted with my life and shared everything with. In the end, I was so enamoured in our relationship, I failed to realise I was causing you pain and now; everything you’ve felt back then, is now reflected in me, I’m so sorry. I still really want to be with you, I was ready to make things right again, it would mean everything to me, but as you said, maybe I’m not the one. Maybe we aren’t compatible. Maybe for once in my life, it is too late.

1 Comment

  1. baby lee 5 years ago

    Hpe u get ovr it as tym passes by.u wil b heald,n am for certain dat u wl.nd for d gal,I wsh xe cme bek to hr senses ND spare u anada chnce.huggs

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