Thank-you for breaking my heart...no really!

Thank-you for breaking my heart…no really!

Posted by Claire in What I wish I'd told you

Dear Phil 😉

Ok, so like most things love related you were my first….and ultimately my first real break-up and heart break.

I guess I’m lucky that my first heart break happen at the ripe old age of 27, so I am mature enough to not break down and want to slit my wrist, or yours or the chic who captivated your heart.

I am really writing this letter for me, but since there is a share with the “ex” option I thought ag why not.

We had an amazing relationship, I never thanked you enough for that. What we had is what romcoms are based on. Let’s be honest, it was more comedy than romance and I loved it.

Thank-you for waiting 40days for our first kiss, waiting months for me to say “I Love you” back and being with me knowing that sex was not on the cards. This showed me that if a guy is really interested all those other things won’t matter and he will stick around. That’s why I can with confidence tell people that you were not with “her” for the sex, it must have been deeper than that.

Thank-you for making me feel that my childish, silly moments and my lack of girly traits like make-up and heels 24/7 were things that are ok. I will now never settle for a guy who I can’t be 100% myself with, because that’s how you accepted me.

Thank-you for all the small things that I never thanked you for, the “hello beautiful”,the “I miss you” messages when you were out with the boys or cone dates and showing so much love and respect towards my family.

Thank-you for our break-up, thank-you for “her” and thank-you for lying to me.

Would I have traded in our relationship for anything in the world? Hell no!! But am I happy and grateful for the gift of a broken heart, yes.

Your lying has taught me to ALWAYS trust my gut. I felt like a crazy chic thinking you were with her, only to find out I was right all along. I thought you would never be able to lie to me, because we cared for each other that much. That’s another lesson, just because you cant lie to someone you love doesn’t mean they wont lie to you.

I feel like I have been given a second chance at life. A chance to re-write my future and the way I want to live. It has been the most exciting 5months of self growth that I have ever experienced and it would never have happened if we didn’t end the way things did. Since we started talking about how our future would be together I unconsciously and consciously started living my life and making decisions based on that end goal, us, married, kids and the dogs. Who the hell that chic was I don’t know, I got so caught up in our beautiful love story I forgot about the goals and dreams I had planned for myself before I met you. Yes, that future we planned would have been nothing short of amazing and I don’t doubt I would have been the happiest women alive but it’s not the happiness I always pictured for my life.

Every time people spoke about marriage and you said, “no I know she is not where she wants to be yet” to amount of guilt I felt was crazy, I felt like I was holding you back even though I knew marriage wasn’t on the cards.

Heart break has taught me that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. Yes, it hurt and I still think about you but everyday since the day you left has been good one.

You have helped me realize that no man will ever be able to make me as happy as I make myself and that is the ultimate gift. If I have a daughter one day, which I doubt,I hope she has her heart broken so she can learn this lesson.

When a women realizes that her happiness is more important than anyone else’s and that happy people attract happiness and good into their life she will never stay in a relationship that dulls that happiness.

I know what it feels like to be completely happy with myself, LOVE life and live every moment to its fullest. I truly believe this level of happiness I wouldn’t have experienced if I didn’t loose my everything and didn’t experience true darkness.

So thank-you!! The women who gets you one day will be truly blessed. You are going to an amazing husband and father and I wish you all the happiness in the world. (I will be slightly jealous because I will always love you but I know we have no future together)

xxxx Claire

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2 Comments

R 10 years ago
Reply

I am sorry for your loss. I loved my ex I dont know in which way but I guess she will never understand anymore. Still we say goodnight to each other every night before we go to bed, well the difference is, i say it as a lover and she says it as a friend. I am the most unlucky person in the world because it was her who said those three sweet words at the first place. Have a nice day.
S 10 years ago
Reply

Hi Claire,

wow that was like reading my own story with a few variances, mainly even though I was 28 I still wanted to cut my wrists and his and hers, well not quite but I didn’t cope as well or gracefully as you did, I have borderline personality disorder which is prob why, I think after reading how mature and wise you were I might be able to move on but i’m still so angry at the betrayal, we should of known to trust our woman’s intuition my mam always told me us women know we have a sixth sense when there is another woman, life/relationships can be cruel but your right being happy on our own and staying focused on our goals is more important, all too often women lose themselves in relationships.
best of luck I hope you keep living your dreams and you get your own happy ending
S xx