Dear S.C I take comfort knowing my feelings are out the wild and no longer bottled inside. It’s been years since I last saw your face or heard your voice yet… it still hurts. It began like a fairy tale I had never known love and didn’t feel I was worthy of ever being in love.

We were young and I was a fool I was blinded be sheer devotion for you my heart felt alive in your presence and I messed it all up 🙁 I never gave you space I wanted to be all you cared about and all you wanted. I was selfish I let you down and made your life a misery even as I write this my emotions are mixed I have a tear in my eye thinking about the pain but a smile on my face thinking about how much the little time I spent with you made my life worth living.

The last day I saw you I looked up at you from the bottom step of the apartments and I said you ruined my life but I was wrong I did.. I ruined the best thing I have ever had in my entire life. It force me crazy I just wanted to see you and wanted to talk to you I didn’t realise that I was really hurting you. I repeatedly sent messages and tried to see you in desperation because I couldn’t let go I just wish I could talk to you again.

Just me and you talking about how things were left no interference from friends or family I think about how much leaving you destroyed me I left the usa because I couldn’t bear being near you without being with you and even now I still wish I could just tell you I’m sorry….you were my first love and you will always hold a special place in my heart it’s unlikely you will ever see this but if you ever do please give me the chance to tell you I’m sorry….