The end of a long distance, online relationship

The end of a long distance, online relationship

The end of a long distance, online relationship

Hey love.

So…I know you don’t wanna talk, and I know you think it’s best that you don’t talk to me. Please, I know I’m clingy. I know I’m annoying. Just…hear me out. I miss you so fucking much. It’s been about a month since I met you. And, it’s been the best and worst month I’ve ever had. I know that at one point, I meant a lot to you, and you still mean the world to me. I know you’re far. I know you don’t want me. And I know that you have moved on. It’s so hard for me to look at my phone and not see you there. Ever since I got home from Europe. Things have been rough. I’ve cried, I sometimes wake up at 3am just in denial that you’re gone. That I’m not yours, that Ive lost you.

I wish things were different. I wish we would have met. I wish I could’ve at least seen you’re face just once. And now, who knows if I ever will. I get sick to my stomach knowing the love I have never got a chance. It’s one thing to love someone and then break up. It’s another thing when you are robbed of the chance to be happy with the one you love. They call it a broken heart, but I hurt through my whole body. I feel like I’ve said every feeling in my body, I’ve been sad, mad, depressed, and just straight up terrified. The worst feeling in the world for me is knowing I’ve given my all and it still wasn’t good enough. I’m sorry I’m clingy. I’m sorry I’m sad. I’m sorry I’m attached. And I know this is worthless to send you, because I know you want to leave me behind, move on, and forget I even exist. I just wish there was something I could’ve done to save us. And it’s something I’ll regret.

My mom asked about us the other day. I just told her everything was fine because I didn’t want to burst into tears in front of her. I wish you could meet my family. They would love you. I wish I could meet yours. I wish you could feel what I feel. I just find it impossible for you to be able to move on to others, so quickly. You’re everything to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Honestly. I’m not just saying that. I care about your feelings more than mine. I care. I don’t want you to run away with some girl who is going to lie steal and cheat you. I need you. But I know it’s far too late to change your mind. It’s funny, I started writing this with dry eyes and now I’m fucking crying like I just watched toy story 3 for the first time haha. You’re the one I’ve been waiting for. God that sounds so cheesy but it’s true. You’re the one I want you to look at and think “wow, that’s my girl” I want you to be proud of me, and proud to have me.

I want to be the one you’re family loves, you’re the one to see the world with, you’re the one I want to wake up to every day for the rest of my life. To just wake up next to you and wake you up with kisses all over. I want you, that’s it. I don’t deserve you. And I know you don’t want me, but what have I got to lose sending this. Nothing. I’ve lost the war already. When I told you I was in love with you, I was terrified. I thought you would run because we hadn’t even met. But you didn’t. You loved me too. And I felt so peaceful, and safe, because I knew that no matter what happened from that day on, nothing could ever be that bad, because I had you. I love you, so much. And I hope in the end, you and I will be together. Happier than ever. But certain events have led you to think that leaving your love behind is a good thing. And I know that you think you have to do this. But I don’t want you to.

But I guess, if I love you… I should let you move on.



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