It’s one thing to be selfless, it’s another thing to be arrogant and entitled.  You think you’re better than me and that your shit don’t stink, well I got news for you: you’re not and it does.  It says a lot that you dismiss the fact that I moved 3 and a half states across the country for you and you STILL claim that I’m such a selfish asshole.  The biggest risks I ever took in my life were for you.  The times when I felt the most vulnerable and alone I’ve ever felt in my life were for you.  Get off your high horse and get rid of your expectation that any guy you’re with has to be a sycophantic white knight who will do anything up to and including selling his soul for you.  You think you deserve better than me, try finding another guy who is willing to spend thousands on plane tickets and eventually uproot his life and move cross country to keep a relationship with you alive.  And you’re NOT the selfless, righteous, perfect human being you make yourself out to be.  For one thing, you never put any fucking effort into your appearance unless it was a special occasion like your friend’s wedding.  You go EVERYWHERE looking like you just got out of bed, with your hair in an unkempt rats nest, PJ pants, and even wearing your dad’s grease-stained T-shirts, FFS.  You shower once a week if I’m lucky.  You have the figure and personal hygiene of Bluto from Animal House.  Seriously, it’s disgusting and sad to see you walking around with the gut you have.  And you say you’re losing weight, but I know you’ve lost and gained back the same 20 lbs at least three times during our relationship.  You say the guy you end up with will love you at any weight, well I hope he doesn’t mind a wife who eats herself into an early grave or can’t have kids because she’s so fat.  And I hope he doesn’t mind marrying into a family that’s basically a white version of the Klumps.  I’m so happy I never have to see those unmotivated, lazy, sedentary, obesity-glorifying losers again.  I used to feel bad for feeling like I was better than them, but not anymore.  I AM better than them!  I have a real job, I don’t eat junk food every single day, I don’t have diabetes (knock on wood), and I don’t drive a crappy American POS because of ignorant rah rah patriotism.  Oh, and the biggest reason I dumped you: because you’re dragging around a 24 year old umbilical cord!  How fucked up is it to go from saying that you hate your mom to expecting me to kiss her ass?  Paging Dr. Bates!  Dr. Norman Bates!  If I had married you, your mom would’ve eaten me alive, and you would’ve allowed it.  She would’ve called me an unfit husband/father because I didn’t do everything her way, and you would’ve let her turn you against me.  I don’t owe her jack shit.  I don’t owe her an apology for not saying “hi” the right way over the holidays, I don’t owe her an explanation of how I feel about her daughter, and I am NOT spending the rest of my life appeasing her crazy bitch ass because the two of you are a package deal at the end of the day.  And if it’s true that daughters grow up to look like their mothers…woof.  She looks like she was beaten half to death with several ugly sticks.  She looks like Shrek’s grandmother, and she isn’t even in her mid-50s yet.  I’m sure that the mythical dream guy you’re sure you’ll end up with will be fine having a 3rd wheel in his relationship, but not this guy.  While you’re binge-eating your sorrows away and letting your mom breastfeed you, I am going to be getting in better shape, working on my career, and dating and having sex with girls who take pride in their appearance and health, don’t have a stomach that sticks out further than their boobs, and don’t have a martyr/entitlement complex about how they deserve a sycophantic…I mean, totally selfless guy.  Oh and one more thing: I know there’s a connection between that run-in you had with your “stalker” and your wanting to take a break a couple weeks ago.  There’s no reason why you’d have no problem kicking me and your own COUSIN out of your life, but not this guy.  But from what you’ve told me, you and him deserve each other anyway.