Dear you…

      I didnt know how to title this because i dont know what “we” are. Best friends? Friends? Distant? Ya. Thats the only word right now that fits the situation I can think of… distant. We started talking again, well I try to, you on the other hand are so stubborn. You want me to stay but then you leave and dont talk to me for days and weeks even months on end. Its like a hot stove I touched it once, got burned but loved that odd sensation and went back again, and again and sadly… again.. I never thought my love for someone would be this great, EVER, I needed to type this to get my feelings off my chest Ive had the second I met you, Ive gone through time and time again where I catch myself, what it feels like, jumping off a cliff, hitting rock bottom then thinking, hmm.. that hurt. Thats how you make me feel, questionable and confused but in love and hurt. My mind and heart are two different things and any human could tell me that, but right now they feel like one, battling for a chance to speak. Some days Im a smart girl others im on the ground with black mascara running down my cheeks almost having a panic attack choking up at the thought of us.. This letter is almost everywhere, maybe this is a goodbye maybe this is an eye opening message saying hello… either way its a new beginning, a redo button a game over, restart. Right now Im on the verge of smiling and tears and seeing you message me makes me so happy and oh so miserably sick, like a flash flood of memories, a roller coaster of emotions that never ends and you, you, oh how you make me overwhelmed with joy, and despair. How you can call me hunny, beautiful, love, bae, babe, and all of sudden I think im fine. Me wanting to skype you and me wanting to talk to you feels like a drug, im hooked on you, if i have you im stuck in a love daze again, if i dont… I go insane and depressed out of my mind and feel like my whole life comes crashing down around me, but i have to watch, maybe you happened for a reason to keep me stronger for what lies ahead, maybe your just a small speed bump in the ground.. but I just cant seem to figure you out…

Everything Ive had to say since I met you.. Warmest regards,

Your ex, your friend, your best friend… your something…