Nicole:

Do you remember how we met? I do. Do you remember that time I forgot my cellphone and then telling me that I was so dumb and then kissing me for the first time? Do you remember that day I did everything just to hang out with you? And that movie we saw together? I do. I do remember that Valentine’s Day you didn’t want to come with me. I remember those cards I did for you that day. I remember how I felt when you said ‘no’, do you? I remember the last ‘I love you’ I said to you. And I remember the first ‘I’m missing you’ and I remember the feeling of being ignored.

It’s weird how people go from ‘I love you so much, I won’t let you go’ to not even texting as friends.

And I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you. I was just too sad you didn’t talk to me, I was tired to look for you first, sick of talking to you first, asking what the hell you were going through, without an answer. I really wanted to fix it all. I felt the happiest and loneliest person at the same time, it was so hard. I feel so bad I’ve lose you, even it has been three months. I know you’re happy with someone else, and I want to feel happy for you, but I just can’t do that.

I’m in a dilemma. People say that if you love something or someone, you should look for them, but what can I do if you don’t want me back? I want you back. I fucking want you back. I just can’t keep moving on as other persons, it’s so hard to forget you… you were the one who could ruin my whole life and everything I’ve done.

You don’t know… but… is it stupid that I’ve been crying every single night just thinking about what we did, everything we shared, everything we laughed at, everything we saw together? I’m dying here, without you. And I know I don’t deserve a person like you, but my heart has always been stronger that my brain. I was so dumb, so stupid. I think I still missing you because too deep inside of me I still have hope. I’m so lost. I’m so stupid. I’m so lonely. I’m so dead. But I just want to do what you want, I want to stay away from you, so you can’t get worried about me. But I’ll be near, just to take care of you and watching you smile even if it’s not because of me. I want to see your smile again, ’cause it’s beautiful, ’cause you’re pretty. I love everything of you, I miss your words, I miss your support, I miss the way you were with me. I want to see inside of you again. I want you to know I still love you as hell.

I’m smiling at you.

I’m crying for you.

I’m dying for you.

I’m loving for you.

I’m loving you.

I’m missing you.

I’m trying for you.

Darling, I’m praying for this not to happen to you never.