Dear M,

It has been so long and they lied when they said time heals wounds. Time hasn’t erased you from my mind nor has it made my feelings for you fade.

I still miss those moments we had together. Remember that Eddie Murphy movie we were trying to watch as we made out on your couch. Or how we would make out each time I beat you at darts. It was all a lie wasn’t M. I loved you, I still do. I wish I never met you let alone let you into my heart. You left an empty hole in my heart. I try to fill it with things, with men, with work but it all pales in comparison. I am sorry that I ever met you, because you sapped the happiness out of me and I am still trying to get it back.

I now know the importance of perception. I perceived our relationship and connection to be rare. One of those movie like love stories that capture your soul. I wasn’t naive, I just never loved or enjoyed someone’s companionship as much I did yours. However, your perception of our relationship was different. To you I was just a fling and now I am just a distant memory.

Some people wish for money, some for fame or something else. I wish for two things: for our love to have been true or to have never met you at all. The reason I say this is because you tainted love for me. Of all the relationships I have been in ours was the one that changed me. You hurt me more than any of my ex boyfriends because I thought you were more sweet and more honest than any of them. And so as a result gave more of myself to you. I honestly believe if someone who looked at me the way you did, kissed me the way you did and treated me so tenderly and sweetly. If someone could fabricate all of that, especially when that someone portrayed themselves to be of good character and one of the sweetest people I have ever met. I honestly believe falling in love is a painful thing and you can only trust someone only after years of marriage, even if that is possible.

The intensity of my love for you and how fake it was from your side, is still beyond believe and something I cannot comprehend to this day.

Love is a wierd emotion, you wish well for the person even if they are the worst of creatures. Those moments of kindness, sweetness and the reasons you fell in love with them in the first place convince you that there is hope for them to be better. And even if they may not be with you, maybe they will be a good person for another, and all you care about is their happiness and well-being.