I still miss you

I still miss you

I still miss you

LTME postYou know who you are,

I often think about those first few months when we started dating. After my last breakup I never thought that I would be able to move on, but you came out of nowhere and soon enough I couldn’t imagine not having you. You put me back together after I was broken and made me feel alive in ways I didn’t know existed, every time I saw you I felt a rush and when we were apart I felt like I was split in two. As time went one I began to picture our future, with you standing at the end of that aisle waiting for me, waiting for forever. But then things changed. Suddenly without ever knowing how, I didn’t feel that way anymore. The arms that used to feel like home felt like chains trapping me in, and when I woke up in the mornings I didn’t want to see you there. I thought I needed freedom and space to be myself, but you knew better. You knew I needed you. As usual, I didn’t listen. When you pleaded to give us more time, I scoffed and said to get over it, that one day you would be happy I didn’t force the relationship.

Months passed and I felt happier than ever, more stable than ever and I began to feel proud I didn’t let you talk me into staying. Another 6 months passed and I saw you at a party, talking to another girl and still I felt no remorse for leaving you behind. I smiled at the way you were making her laugh remembering all the times you did that for me and I was happy you had moved on. As the night progressed and the alcohol started to hit me, I looked around and realized my friends were gone. Too many drinks in, I couldn’t figure out what to do so I began to cry, I ran outside and saw you standing there with the girl from earlier that night waiting for a cab. As soon as you saw me crying, you came over to me and helped me with the same love and care you used to. I realized then that you hadn’t moved on, you tried to move on so that I would be happy, even after a year you wanted me to think you were happy even though you weren’t.

More months passed and we became best friends again, never anything more. You saw me go on dates and sleep with other guys, but still you never stopped loving me. You let me rant and stay at your place knowing that we’ll never be together again, yet you don’t care, you fight and stick around and hope that maybe one day it’ll work out.

At least you used to, before I messed it all up again. I wish I could tell you that I love you again, that we should be together, but I know what I did was too much to forgive. After all, even love has it’s limits. Now I watch you from afar wanting so badly to tell you that I’m sorry for hurting you so much. I’m sorry I destroyed you and I’m sorry that I can’t give you what you need. I want to tell you that I could give you everything, but I can’t. I’m not capable or prepared for the love you have to offer, and I know you have to leave me now. Now it’s your turn to walk away.

I hear you’re dating someone else now. I hope that she’s able to give you what I couldn’t and that one day you can forgive me. If ever that day comes, please give us that one last chance you so badly wanted two years ago.


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