Dear J,

If time is really suppose to heal anything then how come I still feel torn up because of you? If time is really suppose to mend my wounds than how come I feel them being ripped apart with each and every single night passing by?

I’m having difficultly in identifying how I feel towards you. Sad, numb, frustrated, infuriated? I guess you could list them all down. It’s been 9 months and I still fail to understand why I feel this way. I fail to understand why you could move on with your life the moment I let you go and why I got trapped in our past of intoxication.

Screw you for making me believe that I actually meant something to you. Screw you for making me wonder why I stopped being good enough for you and why you never failed to reach out to everybody else but me. The “love of your life”. But mostly screw you for making me feel like our relationship never existed to you.

I tried in every way to fix the mistakes that I had made during our relationship and never once stopped trying to make you happy. The least you could have done is been honest with me. Was there some other girl? A more patient, tolerant, non fucked up version of me? A girl that finally accepted the kinda bullshit you put on her? Was that it? Or did you just stop giving a shit about me and forgot about all the things you made me believe in so fervently?

I don’t know what hurt most. Realizing that your feelings stopped being compatible to mine or the fact that your never replied anything back to my goodbye letter. Nothing. Not a single word was given back to me. I wasn’t even worth your closure. How pathetic. To think I spend the entire night pacing back and forth waiting for your reply. You vanished right in front of my eyes and became a ghost haunting my nights and days with your dust of once upon a times and happily ever afters gone wrong. You disappeared without saying goodbye and poisoned my soul with grievances of our past.

I guess the saying does mean something after all. I let you go because I loved you. I wanted you to be happy and free. And yet You flew away and never once turned back upon me to see the tears that I shed on your departure.

Sincerely,
The girl you left behind. ~ Niki