Dear V,
It’s the moment to write you what I’m not able to tell you. Today it’s been a month since the last time I saw you, and I honestly never thought it was going to be this hard. I am a person that doesn’t believe in love, but after I met you I got to prove me wrong. As much as I hate to admit it, I’ll never feel for anyone else what I felt for you, and I know it because I can feel it. I wake up everyday and look at myself in the mirror and try to convince the person I’m seeing that everything is going to be okay and I get to believe it but at the exact moment I turn my back, I know It’s not okay and it’s never going to be. What we had, for me, was the kind of love people are always looking for but take too long to find. You made me feel alive and you gave me the best love a teenage at this age could ever get. Maybe what we had wasn’t such thing to you but it clearly was for me. I want to tell you that I’d change anything to go back to the place where we met but unfortunately I can’t. It would be foolish of me to keep thinking that eventually one day I’ll go back. I never had time to apologize for leaving, but you clearly know it wasn’t my fault. There’s not much I can do at this age. But if anything I’m sure of is that I will try my best to see you again as soon as I can. Everyday I lay down and think about the short time we spent together, how the days flew so fast. There’s nothing I want more than go back and re-live all those moments again. But V, I’m not in love with you anymore. You’ve changed so much in this month, and I know it because of the way you acted the last time we talked. You are with another person now, who doesn’t or will ever make you as happy as I made you, and I know it because you said it yourself, and you know it too. I know you so well V, I know how prideful you are and how much you try to avoid thinking about me every single day, and that’s why you went up to someone else right after I left, because you were so scared of what you were going to feel that you ran to the first option you saw. You’re so prideful and I know you’ll never text me or call me again, but I know I am still the person you think about at night when you go to sleep. And ask me how do I know that? Because as much as you don’t like to admit it, I saw the way you always looked at me, always shy but there was no time where you could stop yourself from smiling. V, I was never sure of what you said you felt for me, I honestly always tried to tell myself you were lying but when I saw the way you looked at me, I knew I was wrong. After I left, we kept talking for some days but you were not the same person anymore; you tried to be cold because you did not want to get in all those feelings of sadness and missing me. I don’t hate you for being with another person, because I know you did it to forget me, and who knows, maybe you’ll actually develop feelings for her but just remember the reason why it started at first. Days passed until the day you decided to stop talking to me, but you told me you loved me and you had to do it in order for both of us to move on. I got mad at first and told you I hated you and that I regretted everything but you knew I didn’t mean it so you let me keep going. That was the first time it hit me hard and I realized that you were my first love. Of all the times I told you I loved you I was never sure of what I was saying, but that day I was sure. I will never give up on you, even in you beg me to, I promise you. I know I will see you again, this is not the last time we’re going to see each other. And at that moment, everything is going to come back and we’re going to be together again, of that I’m sure. I still think about you. I’ve been trying to move on and I feel like I’ve moved a couple steps above already but I’ll never stop loving you. Even if I have a new boyfriend, or even if I get married, you’ll always be the person I’ll think about at night when I fall asleep. There’s always something that’s going to remind me of you. For all these 31 days, there hasn’t been one I haven’t thought about you, and I am such a strong person but I’ve just never experience such feelings like these before and I don’t think that after this, I ever will. I have tried to send my thoughts away so hard, I have even recurred to alcohol and you may know this because I sent you those videos when I was drunk, and I probably feel embarrassed but I’ll never regret it because somehow I left some of the pain out of my chest. But the 4th day I woke up after being drunk for so long, I realized that I love myself more than I love you, and that I’m going to stop hurting myself and my health because of you. It’s not worth it, V. I am not a cheesy person but you are and you sort of taught me a little how to let go. Everyday I wake up and feel so good and fine without you but there’s always a time of the day where I think about you and all the times you said cheesy stuff to me and I laugh so hard because I think about how life can be so hard sometimes. I know you never had as much feelings as I had for you but I was okay with that. I asked God for a way to remind me every year of the person I was with you and he gave a way. My little sister was born on the date you asked me to be your girlfriend. Every time she’s one month or one year older I will think about you. I will never forget you. You came to my life and you changed it all. You changed me in such a way that makes me mad, because I have become such a weak person and I’m not the same person I used to be anymore, but I guess having you was worth all of that. I guess I lost my balance but I’ll find my way back, I always do. I don’t know how long is it going to take, but I’ll find my way back, and not for you but for myself because I love me more than I love you. There was a night we were talking on the phone and I promised you that I was never going to stop loving you and that the distance between us was going to be temporary and I was going to get older and find you again and I will keep that promise. V, I’m not in love with you anymore, but I will always love you.

Your Queen.