Back then, I could barely breathe when you were around. I was chased through my teens but, for whatever reason, you made me turn around. Maybe it was because I was far away from home. Maybe it was because you never gave yourself away…a mysterious ace in the hole. Maybe it was because I swear I saw something in you. Something that was quiet, familiar, and warm.

The reality is, you couldn’t have been further from. It’s sad, really, when I think of how you set my heart on fire and the flames tossed my thoughts and the smoke shadowed what was really in front of me. You were so gorgeous. So unconventionally gorgeous. Anything deeper, was never rightfully mine. A heart has to be given. You didn’t even need to hold on tight…that’s what is painful.

Do you even know what love looks like? You’ll see it someday; I’m pretty sure. I still think about you. Everyday. It’s starting to exhaust me to the point where I wake up frustrated. This was supposed to leave long, long ago. And, here I am, worrying about the guy who knows very little except how to make a woman feel special when she really means nothing at all.

When all this began, people would say; “he’s cute but, not a lot upstairs” and as time went on they started to give me that silent look of ‘I can’t believe you’re still thinking about him’ but, I never cared.

Why you? I’ll never understand. Oh, and I decided that’s why I still think of you…it’s because I’m trying to figure out the puzzle. It’s been a long time. Too long. Why you?

I could’ve sworn you fit into my best dream during that first change in glance. How wrong I was. But, dammit, why you?
I’ll never know.
I wish so badly I never knew you.
I was just another joke.
I hope wiring this gives me a forgotten you.
A new change of weather.
No more thermoses packed with snow.