Sixth of September,
I hate writing this letter because it makes me remember the past. The past that was beautiful and is painful. The past that I want to forget. The past that I still can’t forget.
I am writing this letter to say “I’M SORRY”. I am sorry if I was so immature. I am sorry for all the fault. I am sorry if I was too in love. I am sorry if I was so selfish and possessive. And that, you, made me. You made me a better person. You made me the better version of myself. I wanted to see you again and talk to you and all before I leave but I think it’s still not the right time. God just gave me a sign. If God could just give me a sign again…
You gave me i guess your half and I gave you my all. Both of us are responsible of what happened but I know I am the last one who gave up. You were the first. I was willing to fight for MY love but you pushed me away to the extent I no longer take it so I was the one who decide to leave because that was my only option to escape all the pain and its funny because until now, I’m still in pain. I wanted to hug you and say I miss you and I still love you so much, that please come back and we will make it right this time and it still hurt like hell but I’m not going to do that. I am not going to do that because I learned to love myself and I don’t want to see myself suffering and hurting again. I won’t let that happen, AGAIN. I wanted to cry. I wanted to say how painful this is but I’m strong and tough and brave. If we could just fix this…
I wanted to thank you because you taught me what love is. You taught me how to be strong, how to hold on and how to give up. You taught me everything and that made me love you like forever. I wanted to say that I wanted to be with you right now because you can fix me but I know you can’t. I wanted to say you can still make me happy but I know its impossible. Until now, at the back of my mind I am still hoping that “WE” are really meant to be but I am moving on. I’m moving on because its for the better. I hope you miss me too like how I miss you. My heart is tearing right now I can feel. I believe one day, this feeling of mine, will go away. I wanted to be happy, not because of anyone but because of myself. If you are reading this (that is, IMPOSSIBLE) I wanted to say I STILL LOVE YOU but I am moving on and shit.
This letter is so confusing I know. I’m now better but not totally alright. Oh God, please help me.
– Twenty Thirteen
8 Comments
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Imran?
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Nevermind. I’ve read this letter again and i’m assuming you’re a female?
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Yes, I am. Thank you for reading.
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Dee?
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this made me cry 🙁
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sunnyandcloudy, are your initials JP
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Dee?
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Thank you dear author for as this man writes this response on the internet which for me has been a very long time indeed, you have made me smile from a lost love that ended the same year you signed off on. If its any constellation your heartfelt words were heard by this stranger & you should always remember that “we” both learnt some hard lessons in the journey that is life. We shouldn’t & will never forget the past as that is what/who/why we are. I never said it was easy nor is it yet for me I have embraced what I did wrong & have grown exponentially. It was a emotionally/physically painful learning curve & I’m finally a MAN. It’s only taken 30 plus years to accept & learn from this. I love all my past loves for the good times outweighed the bad in every relationship I’ve had. We don’t see it then or for a long time do we? As I write this it has brought forth long distant memories from the past & I am smiling. I wish them only the best, eternal happiness, their dreams to become reality for they deserve nothing less as you & I.
We gave it our all…to you it might not have seemed like they did yet as in my case due to external circumstances which in my case there was no one to blame as it takes two to tango yet here I stand for I took full responsibility for what happened & the eventually demise that had a catalytic outcome that followed(losing the true love of my life).
He might have taught you how to be strong young lady as you may(or maybe not as it comes down to ourselves to grow & change positivity) have inadvertently taught him(I’m surmising as me now) to finally become a man of substance, integrity & self transformation.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to say these words. I profusely apologise if I have derailed or said anything negative to you/or that you felt…It’s funny that no matter who we are in this world that we called Earth/Home, we can relate to another’s loss for love is in my eyes what makes this world go round. May you find your true love dear author says this mere male stranger.
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