Dear B,

I hope this finds you healthy and happy. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. I’m writing to you in hopes that this letter will reach you and that you take the time to read it. I’m not writing to you with any expectations whatsoever. The only thing I hope to gain from sending this to you is peace within myself by telling you some things I never got the chance to say. It’s been almost a year since things ended with us. I’ve learned and realized alot of things in the past year since being with you. Things about myself, about life, about love. You taught me that true love is possible and that it does exist. And for that, I thank you. Back in February, we got back in touch for a few weeks. I had never been so happy to hear from someone in my life, even though it came about by accident. When I stopped hearing from you again, all those hurt feelings came flooding back. But 6 months later I realize how grateful I am for that as well. We had lunch together that Sunday afternoon. I was so happy to see you and it felt so good to see you that day. Before that day, our last night together , things got sour. So my last physical memory with you was a very pleasant one and I thank you for that as well. I have also learned that it is perfectly ok to be happy, to love, to be loved and that I am worthy of those things, deserve those things and so do you. I will never forget how happy you made me feel in our short time together. in those moments, I was the happiest I’ve ever been, even if I didn’t show it well. Those first few dates with you were the best I ever had. You really did blow me away. I remember thinking to myself, wow, this is it. I remember feeling like I had just hit the jackpot, like I was on drugs or something. People at work knew I was in love with you before I ever did. They could tell by the tone of my voice and the look on my face when I talked about you. I adored everything about you. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh, your hair, your name, your scent, your height, your build, your voice, your singing, how much you love your kids, the way you love music as much as I do. You came into my life like a hurricane, turning my world upside down. I never saw you coming, never expected to feel the way you made me feel. I do regret that I held back so much. I have always had a difficult time letting people in, letting people get close to me, especially a man. In my head I think if I let someone get close to me then they have the power to deeply hurt me. But you know, being with you I realized that keeping someone I love and care about at a distance hurts a hell of alot more. I want you to know that I don’t regret one second I spent with you. Not one second, not one moment. Because in those moments I can truly, honestly say that I was happy. And who would regret feeling happiness, even if it was only a little while and even though things didn’t work out like I hoped they would. I just wish the story didn’t end this way because I’m still in love with the person who helped me write it. Maybe our paths crossed too soon or maybe we were just never meant to be, I don’t know. But, what I do know without a doubt is that you will ALWAYS hold a very special place in my heart. I do love you and I always will. You make me want to be a better person, even from a distance. That may sound weird but if feeling like that makes me weird, then so be it. I will always wonder what life would be like if…and I will always wonder what might have been. If you took the time to read this, I want to say thank you for reading everything I had to say. I wish you nothing but the best in this crazy, beautiful journey of life. All I ever want for you is to be safe, healthy, and happy. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you find the peace and happiness you deserve.

Tracy