I’m not here to play the victim anymore

I’m not here to play the victim anymore

I’m not here to play the victim anymore

I really don’t wish the best for you at all. I wish I could be the better person, but I really hope Karma comes back and gives you what you deserve.
You are a sociopath…the master of mind manipulation and emotional torture. It’s sad to think that I ever loved you or that I actually believed any of it was real.
We met on match.com and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I lacked any self confidence from the abusive relationship I was in before and you pounced on the opportunity full throttle. See you didn’t need to mentally break me down. That work was already done for you. But you did just add to it with your mind games saying what someone wants to hear, playing on jealousy, making me feel guilty for being mad at you, avoiding me when I needed you, but had a special charm of relentlessly pursuing and making someone feel special when they were mad at you.
You played me ever so well and even though in part I knew it, my heart didn’t want to believe it. It was a tumultuous relationship at best and was off and on for a year. The last attempt you really had me fooled. You did everything right. You told me it was okay to let me guard down…that you were just scared before. You begged me to move in with you, had me meet your parents, you met mine and finally spoke those three words to me. Everything seemed so well until I felt you drift away. We broke up.
And well back to the games again. You wanted me when I started to back away but would push me away if I came around. I realized how much I loved you. Maybe I never loved you, or thought I did because you controlled me so well or maybe I just needed you. I told you when we broke up that we could be friends but I couldn’t watch you date anyone. You told me you wouldn’t.
A week later I found your plenty of fish account..advertising that you were looking for the love of your life and found that you were actively searching on it. It hit me hard. You lied to me and were already looking for a replacement. I freaked out. You sounded annoyed and started ignoring me. I started plotting to move back home with my mother. I couldn’t be here. I needed to be as far away from you as possible and build up a strong support network again.
We did talk very few times over the next few months after I moved and the last attempt of seeing each other I could never forget. We went out for lunch and we went back to your house. I left my takeout in your car and when I opened the door you seemed startled even starting to make up some excuse about your mother having to pick you up when I knew from the tone of your voice, your elaborate story, and the look in your eyes that it was all a lie.
You forgot that your phone was in your hand and I could see that the last number dialed wasn’t your mother. I should have freaked out then…but I had to go home and replay the pieces in my head. No I knew what I saw. I knew in my gut you had to get me out of there so you could go on a date…even proceeding to wash one set of clothes and jumping in the shower when you never cared enough to have clean clothes or a shower when you were around me.
That was it…I sent a text saying I don’t know who she is, but you can have her. I blocked you on Facebook and blocked you on my phone. I had to walk away for good that time. I didn’t speak to you for a while but got desperate and messaged you the one night..and coincidentally over the past few months…every time after I messaged you, you posted a new picture of you and your girlfriend on instagram.
I’m not going to lie. I crept and I know you crept on my Facebook through your friends’ accounts and probably hacked into my account since I was having problems with it. If you didn’t still care, then why would you be trying to make me jealous and wonder what I am doing? Truth is I could never let you know I cared as much as I did for you, because you would’ve just taken advantage of my feelings and use them to feed your narcissistic sociopathic ego.
I really don’t know what I ever saw in you and your girlfriend now..well it will just be a matter of time before it ends and she realizes you’re not who she thought you were. You’re deceiving charm will catch up to you.
I have pretty much been single for a year since we split. I’m doing better. I learned to love myself a lot more and got some much needed time to clear my head. It’s no wonder I don’t require serious psychological counseling for the rest of my life because of you, but I’m not here to play the victim anymore. It is time to move on.

The best thing that could’ve ever happened to me was losing you, because no matter how painful it might have been…I HAVE FINALLY FOUND MYSELF. One day someone will love me. It’s not meant to be you. It never was.

1 Comment

  1. Emily 6 years ago

    Hi, I really hope you find someone who loves you the way you deserve one day, but I am glad you have found yourself. I am sure your blogs will help someone else going through the same heart breaks.

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