As i sit in silence…
As i sit in silence i have learned…
i have learned many things.
I have learned that no matter what…
I am a human being…
I have value.

You tried to destroy my heart,
but you forgot about my spirit.
For my spirit is mighty…

I have walked were most are stuck in their
nightmares…
I have seen demons in the red sky..
I have cried thousands of blood tears…
I have walked many a lonely road…
I have brought destruction to my heart…

My spirit will never be weakend by the likes of these fake people whom think they are real.
They are not real.
I will no longer allow my spirit be contaminated…
by the whims of a dark heart…
It can do no good.

You judged me…
allowed all types of tresspass against my being…
You will not and can not win.
I am a product of your weakness…
I am a product of your demeaning fortitude…
You are nothing more than a faded memory …
A project that went wrong…

The great spirit sent me to you and you denied me…
Ridiculed me and done to me what your kind done to Jesus Christ.
You crucified me …
allowed your circle to antagonize me…
Spit on me…
Throw crap at me…
Lie about me…
Demean me…
Even lie on you!…

You have made that bed in which you lay, and nothing good can become of this…
Deep down in your soul i have reached,
and i know what lyes in the dark corners of your reality.

Part 2. As i Sit in Silence

That part of reality that you seek in your egotistical ways of honor that you say you all have.

I see no honor…
I see no peace with any of you…
I only see you as the instigators that you are.

You will no longer fool me with your petty ways
and code in which you live.
There will come a time when you will reach for me,
and there i will never lay again…
There will come a time when you will seek me out,
and only find the fake trail that i took many months preparing…
You will wonder…
you will keep thinking about things in your head,
you will wonder if that reality was real or a made up reality …

a question unanswered for millions of thoughts and dreamless nights whan you lay and tortured yourself for the whole night long…
Lies…
All lies…
I see your game, and i have seen what the whyles of you have done to
And as you continue to seek perfection you will be disapointed time after time after time.

You want to seek your own destruction
spend your time in wonder instead of knowing.
Seek to satisfy that foolish pride that is allowing you to be miserable.

You do not know of love because you was never loved
You do not know of respect because you allow disrespect
You think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,
but has it ever been?

Have you ever changed anyone to be your perfect little puppy dog,
and then when your done with him he follows you around?…
Allowing all to see him sit proud among you and seemingly in utter agony
sitting when you tell him to?…
you come home to him and nag him because he used the wrong dish soap…
used the wrong soap powder…
scream at the top of your lungs that you hate him…
embarassing him in front of his children…
telling him you don’t love him…
giving up on him when he needed you most in his life…

have you ever been faithful to anyone?
have you ever been loved by anyone other than words?
words are easy…
expressing it and showing it threw actions that benefit the whole family that we built…
Now there is true love and compassion…
There is true faith and trust…
there is true compassion and understanding…

well that is a duty and an agreement that you are bound to by the almighty CREATOR…

Did you do everything you could have done instead of saying you gave 19 years…
you know very well those 19 years may have been filled with problems,
but us working together to seek help for the benefit of our children would have been the decision that God would have wanted.

Not listening to other people…
Not letting minor things between you…
Not letting inlaws and people who are fucking retarted tell you what to do…
how to feel…
what to think…
who you should be with…
who to love…
who to leave…
who to trust…
who’s lying…
when that is all they do!…

All these things i have thought about
As i Sit in Silence…

Part Three…As i Sit in Silence

As i sit in silence the last chance has been given…
The last i love you…
The last tear…
The last glance…
The last words…

It is done and all that is done can never be undone. You think about that when you remember who made their choices and who listened to all the ones that was jealous of your relationship.
One time you had my heart…
One time you held my world in the palm of your hands, and you scattered it like dust in a whirl wind.

At one time you looked at me and you loved me, but now that is just a thing that does not and will not ever exist again.

As i sit in silence my demons all dancing to the evil tune that plays over and over again in my mind…
The evil laugh from the bowels of hell forever haunting my soul.
I know that i will forever walk alone in this life and the next.

As i sit in silence the same creatures haunt my mind and taunt me day and night…
always reminding me that i am the one that made my choices…
always laughing at my misery…
always taunting me.
always leading me to destruction…

You screamed at me and told me with your actions how much you enjoyed those dirty little deeds done behind closed doors. Those dirty little lies and pretend feelings that you have…All lies…All fake…All evil…
You can not possibly think that i believe your fake smile and i love you’s…
Never again will i be so gullible

Now i know why things went like they did because you could not deal with the lies and the deceit that was already in your heart…actions that was thought upon and accomplished in shame. I hope you like what you have created. I hope you never forget who the real culprit was in this relationship. You take that and you move on and enjoy what you have built…

Enjoy your lustful and sinful ways….

As I Sit in Silence Part 4…

As i sit in silence i think about you…
I think about maybe forgiving you,
and i think about how things could have been avoided
I think about all the time that we wasted hating when
we should have loved…
Lying when we should have been telling the truth…
Letting go when we should have held on…
Waving the white flag and surrendering when we should have never given up…

As i sit in silence…
I have dreamed of true unconditional love.
I have envisioned hopelessness and despair, and i have seen my dreams…
my world…
my heart…
be wiped away, and i stood by and let it all burn.

I can’t remember the last time you looked at me with that sparkle in your eye, and i can’t remember the last time you said you loved me and meant it. Sometimes in your eyes i only see him

As i sit in silence Part 5

As i sit in silence i have studied all the words that was shouted out in anger…
I have remembered all the scorn that was tossed up in the air to come raining down upon only me.
Nobody else seems to have to suffer for their wrongs but i get beat down by the stares and looks of those who seem to be able to judge me and put themselves on a pedestal for all to see them…

God tells us to love one another…
He tells us to forgive one another,
but i say God doesn’t walk with you as i do…
God has heaven and angels at his disposal,
and all you have is of the flesh and of the material world in which you thrive.
You think that i do not see…
You think i do not hear…
You think you are capable of love, but all you show is hatred and you despise the truth because that truth proves you are wrong…

As i sit in silence i wonder how many times you will drift off into your lustful imaginary world…
Love can not be given if it is not earned…
You think love can exist but i tell you there is only lust and you have given in to the sins of the world, and you have become a rock that will never be lifted up and placed in peace and love.
You will never feel true love…
You will never have peace with yourself because you have no compassion or understanding.

God tells us that pride is the worst sin.
He tells us that we are created in his image, but i think some are created in the image of evil…
Darkness is all they know, but they do not realize or understand that God hates them and always will. In his own words God said i even hate a proud look. Think about that as you brag about how much you have hurt someone…
when you brag to all your family and friends and pretend that it all matters in your fake little world. You think i don’t have a mind…You think i am unintelligent, but i say to you my soul is thousands of years old.
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