We started out so well. I can only say that my depressive symptoms are what made some things go sour between us. But you know what? I was not ready for the commitment that I had told you I was. You thought I was lying. It’s not a lie if you later discover that you were wrong.

I admitted my mistakes. Im sorry that I pointed out the things I didn’t like about you. I’m sorry that I quit my job so impulsively. Im sorry that I encouraged you to quit your first job despite how much you hated it. I’m sorry that I thought you were the problem in situations that you weren’t. I’m sorry that I would yell sometimes. I’m sorry we didn’t stop using drugs sooner (i’m 100% clean now) And I’m sorry that when I would be in a rotten mood, that I would jump to the conclusion that I wanted to break up with you.

But here’s a newsflash you never seemed to understand: you, my former bride-to-be, were a heavy burden to carry. You would exaggerate your stories. I never could get proof of anything that you told me when we started our relationship (Your parents abusing you, and your “best friend” dying in a car accident in front of you. You didn’t even know the guy, and you weren’t right there with him like you initially said). Hell, you’re even exaggerating stories now. There was never any domestic abuse, but yet thats what you said to our apartment management company when we split. Now you’re living with your best friend’s family and immediately jumped into a relationship with her brother. I wonder what they would say if they found out all of the shit you talked about them when you were living with me? You’re probably running your mouth talking smack about me right now: both exaggerating what happened between us, and making up ridiculous things just to justify the fact that you left me.

Remember when you went manic the first time? You ended up in the hospital? You told me that I did that to you. You know what you seemed to fail to remember? The fact that you told me you wanted to kill yourself because I was thinking about breaking up with you. I did the responsible thing, telling you to go to the hospital. You ignore one important detail, and you make it sound like you weren’t responsible at all. You haven’t accepted responsibility for anything.

When we split, you told me that our entire relationship was a waste of time. You seem to forget that if it weren’t for me, you would still be with your “abusive” parents and you would still be functioning under the thoughts that you had aspergers (which you would’ve never found out if you hadn’t gotten hospitalized).

I tried to help you become more responsible, independent, and respectable. Instead, I ended up just getting used. Hard. When I began to recognize that and mentioned it to you, you just left. How do you think that makes you look? Now I’m in thousands of dollars of debt, just because I had been totally selfless the whole time. I got us an apartment, just so that you could be happy. If i hadn’t been with you at the time, I would’ve moved back in with my parents, and NOT driven myself into financial mayhem. Even if you don’t believe it, even if you swear it couldn’t be true, even if you were so distracted by our feelings of love at the time that you deep down believed that this wasn’t happening, you were a PARASITE. You drank off of me until I had nothing left for you to drink. When I was tapped out, both emotionally and financially, you just started drinking off of somebody else. Except this time, Its an entire family, with more resources than I had.

You’ll keep living your life jumping from host to host, relationship to relationship, never realizing that one or more of your moral values is skewed as hell. You’ll never get yourself to realize this, and you’ll keep making up reasons to think it isn’t true. I, of all people, will never be able to make you see it, simply because you’ve already convinced yourself that I am some dangerous psychopath. Would a dangerous psychopath have done all of that for you? Or have you already forgotten about all of the favors I did for you? I did what I did FOR YOU. I got 2 kittens because you were going through animal withdrawal, even though we couldn’t afford it. I am now totally destitute in my life because of YOU. Yeah, some of my decisions were a bit reckless, but I made them for YOU. I thought everything I was doing at the time was the best thing I could’ve done. In some cases, I was flat wrong. But my intentions were always out of love. Im sorry that some of that love came across as Tough Love. I now sympathize with your parents. Because I realize that when they gave you “tough love” you just wrote it off as abuse, and played the victim. That’s exactly what you did with me; played the victim. I’ve been kicking myself for believing your lies for weeks now. I can’t believe that I fell for all of that. You know why the people at regency started being douchey to you? Because they saw that all of this was happening long before I did. But it wasn’t their place to say anything to me.

You never looked at my intentions. Because if you did, you would see that I loved you MORE than I even loved myself.

You think I was emotionally abusive. To some extent, I agree with you. I’ll admit to that. But you were emotionally IRRESPONSIBLE.

Thanks for the massive life lesson. I now know what to say and what not to say when I get into another relationship (“I didn’t sign up for this” is something that will never leave my lips again).

Thanks for the 300+ times of amazing sex. I always knew that crazy girls did it better. I am the only one from the regency crowd who actually got the chance to feel you up. I view that as an accomplishment.

Thanks for the wakeup call that led to me seeking help/medication for my depression and me seeking sobriety. Drugs were making me more irritable, thats for sure. I wish I had done this sooner, because maybe then I would’ve been able to curb my end of the issue before it got as bad as it did.

And finally, thanks for showing me what I DON’T want in a partner. You were a fucking 10/10 physically, but you were about as ugly as they get emotionally and psychologically. Looks ain’t shit if you say and do stuff like you did to me. Your behavior never matched your words.

I just struggle to think that all of these things were worth the $3500+ that I ended up paying for them.