Leane,

First of all thank-you for all the great times we shared throughout our 17 months or so together. I can honestly say that those first 8 months or so were the greatest connection I have ever felt with another person before in my life. It is the standard that I will now judge all my future relationships upon. It’s funny but since we have been broken up various people have said to me that they thought you were this and that and that we were not very well suited and so forth and in the midst of a recent breakup it is easy to be seduced by these prophets of wisdom but I say to them the same thing that I have just told you, and that is that our relationship at one point or other made me feel that all the others previously were merely a dress rehearsal for this particular relationship. So for that I thank you deeply.

For the problems that began to arise after that initial wonderful period I will be the first to put up my hand and say that I greatly contributed to those things that were creeping into our relationship and slowly poisoning it. The errors of judgement I made during that time were something new to me and I was beginning to see a side of myself which I hated and despised for being so foolish.

I have been berating myself over these errors of judgement ever since that time and particularly following the dissolution of our relationship and I have looked into my own soul to see who was in there staring back up at me. To my relief it was the person that I hoped it would be. It was the same person that had stood me well throughout my 43 years on this earth through good times and bad, a caring thoughtful genuine person who does wear his heart on his sleeve but doesn’t apologise for the fact.

At the end of the day we all make mistakes in certain situations in I am no exception, my only regret is that I happened to make these mistakes whilst partnered with the person with whom I felt could have been my true soul mate. That hurt then and it still hurts now and although in time that hurt and regret will fade it was always remain with me in some respect.

However, my time for self-depreciation has passed. I realise that what is done cannot be undone and I have begun to look forward to achieving the goals I have set for myself for this point moving forward. It won’t be an easy path for I have set my sights high but time is on my side and if I remain disciplined, focussed and most of all – Hold true to who I am, not to who I think other people think I should be – then I will make it through to the other side.

With this healing process in mind I know that you have lost respect for me as a person and most probably rightly so, but I am a proud, strong man who yearns and strives for the respect of others whether it be on the sporting field or more importantly in those I love. My past partner of ten years respects me as a person and knows she can always count on me when the chips are down and I feel exactly the same about her, if I was the person you think I am over that same period then this mutual respect would not have been possible.

I know the relationship we had is dead, never again to exist except perhaps in our memories and I am accepting of that. Do not pity me for my current financial situation I do not like or seek pity. In my past relationships I was the one who saved for a house and made sure the bills were paid, this is a side of me which I have failed to reveal to you but one which has definitely taken centre stage again and this time’ for the first time in a long time’ it is only myself who I have to manage and please which I am greatly looking forward to.

I told you I was doing ok following our breakup and for the most part I am, but when I see you and especially am in your house I feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness at what was both attained and subsequently lost. Also today I noticed your lack of respect for me as a person start to really show and it is not something that I will allow myself to be subjected to. I have no time for people that do not respect me as a person. As I said earlier I am a generous and loyal person who would offer the world to anyone I cared for but I am steadfast on this issue.

Please do not text me and ask how I am, or offer any other communication for that matter until you have regained your respect for me as a person. If I have left anything else there throw it away or give it to charity. They say respect is something that needs to be earned and whilst nothing I will do from this point forward will be for your benefit I hope that in time you will come to think of me as a decent proud man rather than the snivelling needy person you might currently see me as. I loved you as much as any man could have loved his woman and in some way I always will, you have taught me many things not least of which is to stand up for ones beliefs which is why I hope you understand the position I am taking now.

I have written this letter as much for myself than for you but I thought it prudent that you see who I am as a person rather than the fool I showed you over the last 11 or so months of our relationship. You can laugh this letter off as total garbage and dismiss it as the ramblings of a broken hearted fool – or – you could perhaps look back over the time we spent together and see even a glimpse of the person I am proclaiming to be.

I hope it’s the latter.

Yours in life and love

Paul