I hope you’re doing well. It’s been a week since you told you fell for someone else and this week felt like an eternity to me.
It’s Saturday today our usual catch up day, since you left 5 weeks ago there’s hasn’t been one moment I haven’t thought about you.
As much as I’m hurting, I miss you, I miss you everyday. Every time I see or hear something that would make you laugh I think of you, every time I get into bed I think of how in sync our bodies were when we fell asleep. I miss your energy, your laughter, the way you made me feel every single time I was with you. How I let myself be vulnerable and let you in. You made me feel like I finally was where I was meant to be.
You made me feel invisible also, you opened me to A lot of things, you made me enjoy what I feared.
The way you looked at me when I was enjoying myself made my heart skip a beat.
I looked forward to our Weekends together, I looked forward to getting dressed up for you. Every time you’d ring the intercom I had butterflies in my stomach.
I have never felt more at ease with anyone in my life.
The earth could be rumbling I wouldn’t have felt if I was in your arms.
Today is Saturday, and I miss you.
I wish with all my heart that I’d wake up and it’s all a bad dream.
I miss your company, i want to call you or send you a funny snap. I wish you were so we could get some take out and finish a bottle of wine.
I wish I told you how much you meant to me when I had the chance, but my insecurities wouldn’t allow me to break down that wall.
I feel so lonely without you.
I wish I was enough.
I know I’ve only known you for nearly two years but I really wanted this to last a life time.
I trusted you, I waited for you, I think about you everyday but you just left on a holiday and came back forgetting what we had.
It’s hard to comprehend how little this meant to you. It’s hard to know that I will never be able to hold you in my arms again.
All I have is memories of us, everywhere I go there is memories of us.
I don’t hate you even if my heart has been shattered even if for once in my life I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m terrified of what’s next. How do I move on, where do I start?
I feel insignificant, irrelevant…
I have lost you for a reason but it’s hard to accept when there’s a big dark cloud over me.
I can’t think straight.
My mind is fuzzy, my eyes burn from all the tears I shed every single day.
It’s very hard for me to let you go.
My brain is trying to but my heart aches each time I try.
I am so scared that soon I’ll just be one the girls you once knew but don’t anymore.
One of the girls you never even spend a mili second thinking about.
Like what we had was so irrelevant to you.
I wish you knew how this hurts me but I’m too tired to fight this.
I’m still too shocked. I still can’t believe you were going to just hope I don’t ever contact you again when you get back here and not even give me the decency of letting me why if I hadn’t messaged you.
You hurt me so much and I only hope you know how much I cared for you but to you I still wasn’t enough…
I hope this pain leaves me as fast as you took my breath away.
The scars might heal but the memories are forever trapped in my brain.
Even so, I wish you well. I hope one day if we cross paths again you’ll be decent enough to apologise for the pain you’ve caused me and I can finally say I am fine.
But for now I suffer in silence with just this letter you might never read.