Someone whose close to me, told me that this would be a great way to finally move on. Who would have known I’d be sitting in front of a computer screen, blaring “hello” by adele for the last hour and a half before I began even typing the intro to this letter. But as Adele likes to say :

Hello, It’s me.

Where do I even begin? We met on Tinder. (Yes I resorted to the “ever so famous” dating app.) I wasnt trying to meet you though, I wasn’t trying to find a relationship, and I especially wasn’t trying to fall in love. All I was trying to do was get drunk, ( and if I remember correctly I only got a nice buzz). It was a pretty good night, we talked for hours, we laughed a lot, and somehow in that fix we became inseparable. We started spending every day together, until it was officially time for you to go home to orlando, and me to return back to my small little town, and even littler black shorts. But, I was in love. I went and visited you every weekend. I was taking off work , to see you and pushing everyone away to give you my undivided attention which still, to this day I don’t know why. But I suppose love makes you do stupid things, and if that wasn’t stupid enough…. it gets worse. I picked my life up, and moved to the big O… 2% because I really wanted to move out of my parents house, and 98% because I was so absolutely in love with you that I didn’t want to spend a minute without you.

So the orlando adventure began…. But in that time I never knew how it was possible to fight with someone so often. We both were not innocent, you lied too much so I couldn’t trust a word that came out of your mouth, and I was so controlling that you would never want to tell me the truth. We made a wedge between the two of us, and then it was just downhill from there. The fights got worse, every one seemed to be worse and worse, the screaming would get louder the actions would get more violent, and the things we would say to one another has got to be the meanest things every heard/said in my entire life. For anyone reading this, it wasn’t all bad.. Within those times there were very enjoyable moments. He was my best friend, after all. He knew what my thoughts were, because he was always thinking the same things, I would try my hardest to outdrink him, but I could never remember if I did because we’d always both end up so hammered we couldn’t remember who had the last sip (it was probably him though.) We would go to the beach, or the movies, or the store and you could feel the love and the friendship just glow off of us. I was so in love with his family.. not in a totally creepy way. But in the sense that when we started dating he told me his dad and him didn’t communicate much, unless it was about sports so I truly did everything in my power to get them closer. and even though we aren’t together now, I am still so happy that I at least helped with that situation. See what I mean…. We were a mess. We were the perfect couple one day, and the next I’m surprised 911 wasn’t being called on us, or even the SWAT team, sometimes.

Anyways back to you, Ty. I don’t know how to explain to you the love I had for you. Because after being in a 4 year relationship, and then experiencing what you and I had.. You destroyed me worse. I don’t know if it was because I truly believed you were my person, or because the way it ended. My heart is heavy, and it’s weird to think back to a time when you weren’t on my mind. I can go on a million dates, and hook up with a million people but that love, and devotion to you is still there. It’s hard for me to know you’re about to graduate, and you’re going to go through rough times and I won’t be the one to comfort you but I truly hope ‘she’ does. I hope ‘she’ convinces you to stop eating out all the time, and stay home to cook together (and when I mean cook, I mean I hope she makes banging tacos) I hope when you wake up sick, ‘she’ holds you and ‘she’ always takes care of you. I hope ‘she’ loves you enough that ‘she’ can’t see another day without you by her side, I hope ‘she’ never argues with you and cherishes every breath ‘she’ takes as your girl. and I hope you do the same to her. Don’t put your friends before her, and always make her understand you don’t mean the bad things you say. And if you’re going to break her heart, let her down easy.

Who can say when I’ll be okay to finally be in a relationship again, who could say when I hear “john 3:16” that you won’t completely cross my mind, and who’s to say that I won’t be in love with you for the rest of my life..

But Ive accepted all the wrong I did in that relationship, and I will use every day to better myself, to never be that person again. I will also never let someone make me feel as awful as you’ve made me feel. So maybe this was all done for a reason, maybe it was to better me and better the men I look for in my life. Maybe it was to make me as independent as I’ve become, and to show me what I could do on my own. Maybe it was suppose to lead me to this job (which I just got my second raise in which I could not be happier about). Maybe it was to get this house in downtown which is the best thing I’ve ever done because I can walk to everything, and i’ve always wanted to live in the city! Maybe it was suppose to get my ass up, and make me go to the gym because I was stupid and wouldn’t do it with you. Maybe it was to show me what I want in a man and to never ever settle. maybe it was to change me. break my heart, and change me.

Thank you for the memories,
Thank you for every last smile I ever had because of you.
Thank you for making a better me.
Thank you for this heartbreak.

I hope one day you become a better you. & when that happens, lets plan for a people watching date.

With love and aspiration,
– Ari