Dear A,
I don’t know what exactly I’m going to write, but I need to. It’s been 5 months since our official break up, and I still can’t get over you. You were my first actual love and I thought that I would never lose you. There were plenty before you, but for you, I was your first everything. I was your first kiss, your first in bed, your first ‘I love you’ and with that, for the first 11 months, you were head over heels in love with me. And even though your friends laughed and said that I had taken your balls from you, you simply shoved it off and stayed by my side. Through everything. You knew everything that had happened to me throughout my whole life. The good and the bad. I wanted you to know that I trusted you with everything. And even though I knew that you had a rough beginning to life, I wanted to you trust me too. And I think me prying at you so much to tell me what was wrong was the reason you left. I wanted to help with all of your problems and I wanted to be the support that you didn’t have with your family. But you didn’t want me to get involved and yet I still pushed to know everything. After the first big fight we grew apart. Really the only thing we had in common is that we both liked the sex so much. We would break up and get back together so much no one understood why. I thought it was because you loved me but now looking back, I just think you were to afraid to be alone. These past few months we’ve hooked up and I can’t say I’m proud of it but I had to be near you and try to feel like we were still us even if we weren’t. It broke my heart when I found out you were in love with someone else. I didn’t know what to do with myself. But I had to let you go. For both of us. I just want to say, I hope wherever life takes you, you find the right girl. One who doesn’t pry too much, and one who loves every little flaw that I eventually grew to hate. I hope you can get past all the shit that has gone on. And know, that I will always love you because you were my first true love. (Beginning 03-06-14)