Once and a while I think of you. Okay, all the time I think of you. I feel as though this is a process, getting over you. You got over me SO QUICKLY. I guess that is part of the reason why it hurt so badly. I am aware that you are never coming back, and as much as I want to hold out hope that you will, it just hurts so badly. All of our memories and the way you made me feel, it was like nothing I had ever known. I wish I could tell you how I feel, but it seems pointless because you’re with her now.

Just as you walked out the door, you turned around long enough to smash my heart into the ground. I was so angry, for so long. The anger helped me become a better volleyball player; I wasn’t going to cry over you. If I was going to get angry, I would go for a run or take it out on volleyball.

You used to WISH that I would feel this for you. You told me about two years ago “I probably wasn’t even close to being “the one.”” Now I realize that I did like you, my feelings for you developed very slowly but surely. I always had the upper hand, you couldn’t have me, so it made you want me more. Now that you broke my heart, you have the upper hand and nothing kills me more, then being weak in front of you. You will never come back because you achieved your goal. You had me. Then once you had me. You really didn’t know what to do anymore. I guess I wasn’t as “amazing” as you thought I was. You knew I was damaged; I had just gotten out of a deep depression for goodness sake. I was in recovery and I had finally happy before you showed up again and decided to fuck up my life and my mindset.

That’s another thing, you left me once before. The only exception was that we really weren’t together. We were talking about going on a date but you couldn’t resist another girl. The same girl that you dated for a few months before you came running back to me because she cheated on you. Hurts like hell, doesn’t it?

I also used to think that I wasn’t enough for you but that isn’t entirely true, I was too much and not enough at the same time. That I took you for granted. I never did the sweet things that she does. I hate beating myself up for it, because it’s over. It’s been months, but I cannot get over you. You invade my thoughts like a plague. My five senses remind me of you. Sometimes I smell something that smells like you, or hear a certain song, or I see certain places where we had our dates.

Despite all of the things that I hate about you, I still love you more than she ever will. I still love you unconditionally. And I will continue to. Most of the things the things that I hate about you are the things that I love most about you. Don’t bother coming back. Not this time. I refuse to put myself through this again.

But all of this will be better in time. Time will heal these wounds. Time will get me over you. One day my thoughts will be other things than our memories. One day I will be able to look at you and feel absolutely nothing. Whether in five years, or a month or a week, I know I can get over you, and I will.