J,

he looked just like you. and my goodness did my heart stop. I thought that after all this time at the mention of your name, or at the sight of someone who looked at you, i thought that my heart wouldn’t beat a thousand times faster than its supposed to. i didn’t think that i would care about you anymore. the last time i wrote to you was about 2 years ago. its been over 2 years. can you believe that? 2 years without you. 2 years. wow.

i dont know what you’re doing in life or where you are but i hope you’re happy. i hope you’re so so so happy. but i also hope that when you hear my name your heart sinks a little. i hope time stops for you as you think about when the last time you saw me was. or i hope that you think about my smile. i hope it breaks your heart a little. i hope when you think of me, you come close to calling me.

i dont necessarily want you back. i had my time. i just thought after all this time i’d be over you. i thought i could look at people that look like you and not think about it twice. i didn’t think my heart would race or i’d smile from thinking about all the times we had together. but i do. i still compare you to every guy i come across. you’re not a daily occurrence in my mind but when you are i cant help but think about your blue eyes and the way you made jokes about me running into the wall that one night. i think about the times you made me laugh and i know i wasn’t much to you. i know you chose her. and her. and her. and her. but i chose you every time. over everyone else.

thats all i wanted from you and i couldn’t get that from you but I’m okay with that. I’m okay or still being okay with us not being together, us not ending up together. I’m okay that you chose her. and i guess i know thats how i loved you, and i still do.

if i could say anything to you right now i would say thank you and i still love you more than anything in this world. and if i only had one word to you i would look into your eyes and say “indeed” and we both know why..

i love you
♡ k