Dear N.R

It’s a week today since you left.
Over a year and a half finished with a cigarette.
The hours we spent together ending in 5 minutes. Just enough time for you to tell me you didn’t love me any more. You didn’t need me any more.
It was exactly today a year ago you were begging me not to leave you.
Funny how much things change in a year.
Do you know how cowardly it was the way you treated me, ignoring me for weeks? Pretending I didn’t exist because you were too pathetic to just tell me you do not love me any more.
You do not love me any more.
I should have seen it coming. I should have remembered that no person could keep loving me the way I love them yet some how you made me believe it.
Fuck you for leaving when things got difficult. Fuck you for not even trying to make it better and fuck you for making me feel like it was all my fault.
But most of all fuck you for letting me stay in love with you while you fell out of it.
Fuck you for never doing anything wrong so fuck you because I cannot be angry at you.

The light of my life,
Fire of my loins,
My sin, my soul.

All my love,
Lucy.

I miss you.