Hey asshole

I love you is not a band aid nor does it give me closure. It doesn’t do or mean anything if the right intentions aren’t behind it.

I love you is not replaceable for I’m bored or I’m lonely.

You can’t just say I love you and expect all of your past hurtful actions towards me to disappear.

You hope it’ll smooth out this wrinkle. You hope I’ll still be blinded by my infatuation.

Your arousal was not permission to break my consent. It was not permission to hurt me in unimaginable ways. It was not consent when the timing is bad.

What you did wasn’t right and it was completely soul crushing.

You made it happened and told me to just “deal with it.”

You think I love you is an end all cure all.

You’ve only given me a version of ‘I love you’ that doesn’t show or make me feel loved, understood, or cared for.

I hate knowing I won’t be the same person I was before.
I hate the intense pains in my body.
I hate the false sense of reality.
I hate the miscommunication, frustration, wasted potential.
I hate the lack of self love, the worthlessness.
I hate how I couldn’t rely on anybody.
I hate my silence.

I’m ready to stand up and fight for myself.

I’m so ready to be done with this chapter of my life.

Done being stuck unhappy and miserable.
Done crying over all the memories.
Done with not recognizing myself.
Done arguing about it.