I’m going to apologise now for sending this to you – it’s in no way intended to make you feel bad. I think you are really lovely and I haven’t got any hard feelings towards you – I’m just cut up about the situation and I need you to understand how I feel. I feel like I’m being a bit dramatic over this as we were only dating for a short time and you had never once mentioned that you saw us as anything else….however I feel shit and I can’t ignore that.
I’ve been thinking about what you said – about there being no chemistry. It bugs me because I don’t understand what it is that was missing. When I think rationally and see the situation as an outsider I completely understand that you wouldn’t want to continue if you didn’t fancy me and I know that it’s the best thing for both of us.
But I felt chemistry and I don’t understand how that can be so one sided. I don’t know what it is that I feel towards you but it’s definitely stronger than a feeling of just friendship. I want to hold your hand and hug you and kiss you. You were always grabbing my hand when you were with me and holding my leg in the car and that made me feel secure that you felt the same. I’d have understood if you didn’t show me any physical affection but you showed me plenty and in front of your friends as well – right up until the end of our trip on Monday.
When we met up in [my hometown] you said that you really wanted to kiss me on the way back to the car – there must have been some desire there….did that just fade or were you just trying a last ditch attempt to create a bit of a spark?
That day before we met up in [my hometown] I was convinced you were going to say that you didn’t want to date me any more. I felt it deep in my gut. And then I felt okay again as when we were kissing in the car I felt a real connection. That was such a good make out session – I felt something back from you in the kiss that time and it gave me hope that there was something starting to develop.
That uncertainty I’ve had at certain points over the last 2 months is the only thing that makes me feel better about this – because I know that feeling something’s wrong is obviously not a good sign. But then again I can’t work out why the simple fact that that we had a great time together shouldn’t be enough. Lying in bed and laughing last Thursday night knowing we had 4 days ahead of us to get to know each other more – I felt so happy to be with you.
The hardest thing is feeling that for all the times we were hanging out you didn’t feel the same as me. That I felt there was something between us but you didn’t. I’m going round on a mental loop at the moment of questioning every thing that could make you not feel anything towards me. Then I accept that it is just the way it is and sometimes there just isn’t an answer.
I put so much energy into the last couple of months with you and to suddenly not have anything to put myself into has left me feeling lost. I miss hearing from you and my main cause of feeling crappy is that I can’t accept the fact that I’m not going to be able to look forward to seeing you any more.
What I really need is an attempt from you at trying to help me make sense of it. Because it’s human nature to seek answers and without a better explanation than no chemistry I’m going to find it so difficult to sort myself out. I understand if you can’t give me this and I respect that you haven’t got the strong feelings towards me to warrant a response other than what you’ve already given me.
I truly wish you all the best in the future- I hope you find the spark that you are looking for. I’m just desperately sad that you couldn’t find it with me.