Where to begin, I guess the starting point would be is i’m sorry, I’m sorry for the way i acted, the way i treated you and the way it ended.
When you first entered my life it was the greatest moment in my life, the way i tried to peacock to get your attention, the way i talked about everything i did the weekend prior and you smiled and giggled at my silly childish stories. When i left your work I couldn’t get you out of my head and i chatted to everyone i knew about you and just how much you caught my attention.
Then to find out on the Internet a day later felt like fate, it felt like we were meant to be and you instantly remembered who i was it felt like a dream come true, We hung out you drove an hour just to see me. When we kissed it was magically i already knew i would fall for you and i did hard.
Weeks passed and i still couldn’t get you out of my head every time we chatted on the phone and the days we spent cuddling in bed was heaven. My depression left me finally after seven years i was over the moon, I quit my job and slowly wouldn’t leave, Just so i could stay even longer and when we moved in, I was so thankful that i met someone who cared for me like you did.
When money was tight and i was unemployed you supported both of us for so long and I’m sorry I couldn’t be the boyfriend that could just take care of you and give you everything you wanted. You stayed up late so many nights stressing about money and i did nothing to fix that and once again i felt like i was not good enough and I still am not good enough, The arguing ensued the bitter moments were heart wrenching.
When we finally moved into our own place work was a bit more stable but i was still not able to care of you and i was just bad with money it’s a problem I’ve had for years but we marched through it, Even when i played up and was doing stuff i shouldn’t have been you stuck around and we worked through it.
I was awful at all this stuff and i sit here in my office chair wondering what i could’ve done to make things come out different.
After all the fighting and all the bickering and other stuff.
It was clear I didn’t deserve you, you deserved someone else who would take care of you and treat you with the respect you treated me with.
so when you wanted to break up i was fine with that, you asked me change to become a better person not just for you but for myself and that’s what i wanted i had a fucked way of showing it.
Even after all that i argued i just wanted you to see how i felt and how wrong i was
i thought i had changed, i thought i had did everything you ask
but i had done none of it, i was just a silly boy with a screwed up head.
Six months have passed and i still think about you every day and it gets worse with everyday, there was so many things i should’ve done earlier that would’ve solved this but I’ve learnt from my mistakes and now I’m on the right path to making myself a better person and hopefully one day meet someone who makes me feel the same way about them as the way i did with you.
From what i hear you have a new partner who makes and treats you better then i ever did and I’m glad you are happy because that’s all i want in this world was to make you happy and just knowing you are is good enough for me to keep going on.
I think i will be like this for a long time and I’m okay with this because i know one day i’ll let it all go and head on a new path in my life, I wish you all the happiness in the world because you deserve it.
You’ll forever be my Samsquanch and always have a place in my heart.