Years of therapy and still can’t get over it

Years of therapy and still can’t get over it

Years of therapy and still can’t get over it

There is no amount of therapy that I can ever go through to make things right. I often question my motive and what my goal is in therapy and it remains uncertain. You come up often since much of what is discussed revolves around relationships. The thought of you is what kept me feeling protected and it’s remained that way for over twenty years. I know that it prevents me from addressing my real problems but not even the therapists know the extent that I think about you – I am to ashamed to admit it.

I sometimes feel if only I can get your perspective I would be able to finally understand and move on. Doing so is not allowed and I doubt would be welcomed anyway. It’s kind disgusting how I cling to the thought of you while leading an outwardly great life with someone else.

I’m well aware that you, as I knew you, doesn’t exist. I’ve been filled with shame my entire life. I’ll never forget how after what I did to you that you asked for my forgiveness. I can’t wrap my head around this. I adored you and cared deeply for your well-being. I saw myself as a burden in your life. I already proved you shouldn’t trust me. I did what I had to in order to make sure you could experience a happier life without my interference.

I hope you are.

1 Comment

  1. R00T 4 months ago

    Its a shame to lost someone u deeply love because ur thinking u did what u thought was best for ur loveone without giving them the chance to fight with u-for love and just give up for the both of u. U cant get pass the thought of what if u chose a different path, u chose to be more selfish, to feel love a little longer. its a shame no matter how many people tried to get close, how many times u tried to get close to someone else it didnt work out cause they simply cant fill up the void that was left by the lost love. If this was u,
    Oh Baby i loved you more than you’ll ever imagine.
    i missed us.
    please try to be happy id rather u forget me than dwell in your thoughts and bore lingering pain in ur heart..

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