I will never forget how you made me feel

I will never forget how you made me feel

I will never forget how you made me feel

LTME-posti don’t know if I’ll ever get another chance to write this letter. I admit i might not have been the perfect boyfriend and I’m even worse at being your ex, because the truth is i never stopped loving you and , i know you have been trying to keep your distance and i will have no choice but to give you space after this letter please just read to the end. I never regretted a moment with you.. I write this letter knowing that I will never have you back, i know im hard headed , you’ve told me to move on and forget, but I cant love no one else the way i did you, I remember the fist day we became official I remember Friday the 16th it was a week after the school started I approached you during break time and told you i needed to tell you something after school , I remember being so nervous that i never got a chance to actually ask you out because you were hyperventilating, I remember going home that day and sitting on my bed and i sent you a text where i asked you to be mine , I remember you taking 15 minutes to respond, those 15 minutes where the longest ever and when you said yes, I jumped up and i was the happiest I’ve ever been and the reason you took long was because you were telling all your friends.. The Monday I remember looking for you in the morning just to give you a long hug and ever since that day, we walked together to the hostel and we would stand under the tree.. I remember our first date when we went bowling and i thought i could beat you but you clearly cheated thats why you won, I remember your favorite color is red and you loved eating baby powder milk and drinking fresh milk you’d finish a whole 2 litters on your own and you didn’t like sharing em, you never asked for anything really you cared about the little gestures, I remember you liked bitting my fingers and it would hurt so bad but I pretended it didn’t just so I can feel it all day .. For us love was sharing chocolate and chips after we had already chewed it, it was the realest, truest and wonderful experience I have ever had. You were the reason why I stayed up until 1am on a school night, today marks 10 months since our breakup…. It hurts to see you with someone else, I keep myself distracted but every time I take a break i think of you, it’s frustrating
Coz I can’t do nothing , and all this is the last thing I think about before I sleep, i know that you were my perfect little world and i let it slip because i was too blinded by the lil arguments we had, I let pride get to me and I thought it was the right thing to do I thought it would make me happy but all it did was leave me broken ..You were my go to, you understood me and my silliness .. If there is anything i ever regret is letting you go. I honestly till this day hate myself for it. I know I’ve hurt you deeply and broke my promises
And did what I did regardless of how it made you feel and no amount of words can express how deeply sorry i am,i ask myself everyday what it would have been like if i JUST hanged on, if i just kept my promises if i hadn’t given up, i wasn’t afraid of being with you i was afraid that you were actually the one for me and I panicked, So much so that i messed up … i know you forgave me but i never forgave myself, the future plans we made I remember you saying that one day you want ten babies and i thought you were crazy but that’s exactly it ,you made me feel so comfortable as i did you…
You kept me calm and you where never controlling
So many times i died inside wanting to be there for you, i wanted to tell you everything is gonna be ok even if I didn’t know
I wanted to hold you in the time of need
I wanted to be strong for you so that you didn’t have to
I just wanted to show you how much i still cared I could go on but I’ll stop there..
I know you have a boyfriend now , i hope he makes you the happiest girl ever
I hope he feeds you a lot of milk and that he always buys you twist as that was your favorite cool drink
I hope he takes you to see the city lights because you loved those so much
I hope he shows up unexpectedly even when you don’t feel like it
And i hope he gets you to stop chewing your nails and let them grow
And when you are alone you love to dance
I hope he stops you from ever cutting your hair short
I hope he knows he doesn’t need to buy you expensive gift to keep you happy
Or around, like the rubber band you made us when i was in china and you thought it was simple but i loved it..
I hope he gets to see your toes and your feet that you felt insecure about.
And tell you that they perfect
I hope he buys you flowers coz i never got the chance …
I hope he gives you the world because you deserve it
I remember the scar on your leg that looked like an I after having burned from tea oh how you loved tea even on the hottest day

If i could get three wishes, i would wish to have you back
And throw the others away

In the envelope i left what was supposed to be our one year anniversary gift i know its not much but its for you, i lied to you that it was meant to be a birthday gift I’m sorry about that…

I thought i knew love before I met you but i soon realized that all the other were nothing compared to you
If anyone ever asked me if I know what true love is i would be thinking about you
Because you are the one i love
And always will
My first true love
My first everything
It took me a while to write this
Because i will set up a date that i hope will come to be because i wanted to know how it would feel like to spend one more day with you
How it would feel like to see your smile
If i could get you to smile that is
And just to get the feeling of you being around
how i wish i could turn back time..
This letter might sound like a goodbye but truly it’s everything i still feel inside and have been meaning to tell you..
know from a distance I’ll always care
I wrote this letter with different intentions
But I hear he is a wonderful guy hope he takes good care of you ….
I do wish though it was i that could have taken good care of you …

But I’ll be here hoping someday, when I bump into you, my eyes will find its way back again to start a fire in you and to see you hyperventilating once more . Until then, I could only wish you all the happiness in the world,

I’ll always love you

1 Comment

  1. anneth 4 years ago

    i’m really touched by this letter, i cried while reading this.

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