Dear the one person I’ll never be able to forget,

I know things between us only lasted for a short time but it was no doubt the best time of my life. For the first time I actually experienced the true meaning of being “young, wild and free”, and I’m glad that I got to experience it with you. I really don’t know what to call what we had. It started out only as a summer fling with no string attached for both of us since you and I live halfway around the earth, but I guess we didn’t expect how it ended up, did we? Initially, it was supposed to be just one friendly date as both you and I didn’t want a long-distance relationship but somehow we held on and made it to 2 months and dare I say those are the best 2 months of my life. 2 months full of ups and little downs, 2 months full of loving, caring and a string of late-night Facetime calls. I kept telling myself you are the perfect woman for me and even now you still are…nobody ever loved me the way you did, nobody ever didn’t just tolerated my little quirks but actually liked them like you did, nobody ever appreciated the things I do in life, the things that make me Me. Most guys, even though they don’t say it, want to be the man in the relationship..and you certainly made me feel like the best man I could ever be.

The day I flew back to my hometown leaving you behind is one of the saddest days of my life. We both knew that day would come but how did it come so fast? I remember hearing you cried on the phone and I was also having a hard time holding back my tears. I would open a vein in my heart if I could bleed out more time to spend with you. I remember telling you wait for me to come back next year so we can go travel together just as I promised…but that is one hard promise to keep isn’t it?

As we got back to our own busy lives, we got less time for each other, even though I always tried to save my time for to talk to you. I like to think that it was time and distance that separated us, but was it really? Or am I just ignoring the fact that you weren’t trying as hard as I was to make this work? At times, I felt like I was the only one that put in the effort and you were slipping away. I know you like to go out at night with your guy friends or girl friends, that I don’t really care, but I lose interest as soon as I feel like my effort is being ignored. But somehow, I could never lose interest in you, I got way too attached and I love you way too much to get you out of my head. That made me wonder if you ever felt the same way as I did or was I still just a fling that you led on just to play around. That’s when I realized how vulnerable I was to you and how much damage you could do to me…and that scared me sh!tless. So I decided to end it.

It’s been a month since then but I still can’t get you out of my head. I’ve done everything I could to move on from you from deactivating my facebook, snapchat to hiding all of our precious photos. But you’re still appearing in my dreams and every time that happens, my day gets a little darker, gloomier and more depressing. It’s like I’m missing a piece in my heart that I’ll never be able to get back. I completely disconnected from you on media even though you wanted to keep in touch because I don’t want to know if you’ve moved on or how great your life is right now without me because I know that right now, I still can’t move on and I’m living in misery. You don’t know how many times I just want to give you a call just to hear your voice and tell you how much I miss you or book a flight all the way back and show up at your door but I probably shouldn’t and I just don’t have strength to face what I might hear or see.

I promised you in 3 years if we’re really destined to be together (which I really thought we were), I will definitely see you down the road. And when I’m done with my master’s and have a stable job, I will definitely come back for you and I really meant it. I wanted to give you a lot of things even though you never complained about my financial status, but right now I just don’t have anything. Baby, right now, I just want you to know that I still love you more than anything and I don’t know why and maybe I shouldn’t even be in love with you at all at this point. I don’t know if I made you sad at all when I let you go, but if I did, I’m really really sorry baby…but that was my best option at the time.

As for now, I’m still holding out for something better…I still have high hopes that we will end up together again some time in the future under better circumstances. For now, I wish you the best. I hope you’re more confident about your look. I hope you feel less insecure about your body. I hope one day you see yourself as pretty as how I see you. I hope you become the person who you’ve always wanted. And lastly, “I hope you live the life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

Your friend,
Hugh