I’ve spent the last hour or so trying to get sleep before my alarm goes off and once again, I was forced to my feet, springing out of our bed, with not an ounce of rest for my heart and eyes. Right now, I lay in a blazing hot bath and feel your presence ever so close. There is only a wall that separates us now. You are the reason for this wall, but perhaps I was the one that built it.
I could have never imagined that you would remove yourself from my life or quote “fall out of love”. I truly believed that you loved me with your whole heart, just as I love you. Now I lay here alone, a month after you shattered my heart, wondering what went wrong. Sometimes I ask myself if I am dead and cast into hell–destined to live in this nightmare for all my wrong doings in life. I tell myself it’s the only way that I could be in this nightmare, for I know you would never do this. Yet, here we are.
Perhaps I am crossing over into the next phase of heartbreak now. The phase that is a little less crazy, and a lot more honest. I realize my mistakes and I can clearly see what went wrong. You deserved better and so did I. The way I treated you and myself was never going to lead us to happy ever after, despite our love for each other. I failed you and I failed us and now I will live with this for the rest of my life. For now, I cry and hurt and I beg the God’s that you come back to me, but I am only met with silence. Every night I am still alone and every morning I still watch you leave for work without a care in the world. I did this. And I am sorry.
But I will still love you forever. You are the light in my life, the love in my heart and the fire in my soul. I loved you before I met you and I loved you when you swept me off my feet. I loved you when you let me fall and I loved you when you tried to cAtch me. The day you told me you didn’t want me around anymore, I loved you even still, just as I do now. My love is unwavering and for now I cry, and I beg and I plead with the God’s, but I have to accept that you’re never coming back and that I love a man who no longer loves me back. This is unfortunate for so many reasons.
But I hope you never feel this heart broken. I hope you carry on and live an amazing life. I hope all of your wishes come true Anthony, I really do.
I LOVE YOU, Always your Moon.