Dear RAD,
There are so many things I want to say to you. I wish you would have faced me, after I found out about your lie. I would have gladly listened to what you had to say, I would have kept an open mind. The thing that hurts the most is the fact that you apparently cared so little for me and my feelings. I asked you to tell me why and instead you choose to block me entirely from your life. What did I ever do to you? I treated you with respect and love, I never questioned anything you told me. Not even once! Why? Because I had no reason to mistrust you, I genuinely thought you cared for me like I cared for you. You know that is a fact because I was always the one up for rearranging my life to come and see you. I did that because I cared for you and not because I felt any type of obligation. If you weren’t interested in a relationship then you shouldn’t have pursued me. I was happy in my world. I told you several times, that I had a really bad track record when it came to guys. I’m always the girl getting hurt and cheated on. I’m legitimately dumbfounded as to the reason. My friends tell me it’s because I’m too nice. Never really believed that, but I guess it must be true because it keeps happening. I don’t know how to be any other way, but thanks to you I can feel myself heading down a different road. I am starting to feel bitterness and hate in my heart, something that was once so foreign to me is now taking permanent residence in my heart. What I hate the most is that despite everything… I still have hope. Hope that one day you will face me and tell me where I went wrong.I’m not looking to get back with you. I just want to know…who is she? Where did she come from? Were you cheating on her or were you cheating on me? Maybe it was neither of those scenarios, maybe I was just meant to be a good time, then why lie, all I ever asked for was honesty and communication. I sincerely hate myself because regardless of everything…I honestly don’t hate you. I wish I could, instead I find myself thinking of you from the moment I wake up, to the moment I close my eyes. Pathetic, I know, because I probably never cross your mind. I pray every day that God will give you the strength to confront me, to give me back my peace of mind and my self-worth. They weren’t yours to take and I need them back. Until then I wait.
– GTG