It’s my birthday, and instead of enjoy another year gifted with life, I’m missing you. I have missed you for 8 years…8 years. In certain moments, I was able to forget you. I actually crave those moments. Because if I can’t be in your life fully, then I’d just rather forget you. The memory of you and the things we shared is the deepest pain of my life. I have tried everything to remove myself from it. People say you can control your thoughts – but you’re the one thing I just can’t seem to control. I’m trying my best to fully let you go, I am. You made it clear that I am not what you want. You say at one point I was…If your feelings truly matched how I felt at any point, you wouldn’t have been able to walk away from me the way that you did. You say you “understand” how I feel, but how could you truly? How it is possible to know how someone feels when you weren’t willing to sacrifice yourself for said person the way they sacrificed for you? Maybe your memory is just that foggy, but there were so many times I tried to be there for you and you rejected me. You treated me like I didn’t matter. And even in all that, I STILL LOVED YOU! And yet it still wasn’t enough – I wasn’t enough. I don’t know what would have made me enough, but it sucks because you were everything to me. I hope one day to hate you enough that you don’t matter anymore. You’re the biggest regret and mistake of my life. This pain isn’t worth the hope I held on to, or even all the good memories we did once share. I hope I get amnesia and FORGET YOU! Just the way you were able to forget me. Life would be SO PERFECT if I could just forget…