P,

My first everything, you know that. What happened between us this summer was a whirlwind. From the moment I met you I knew you were different, I’d never connected with a guy on that level before, I’d never really connected with anyone on that level before.

I’m not going to recount everything that happened, but we all know that long distance relationship never work, but reading them text messages actually took a part of my soul.

I still can’t decide how deep your feeling were for me or for her, but that doesn’t matter. The way you cried and begged for me not to go, I still feel guilty for me causing you that, even though non of it was my fault. The fact is in sorry for it, hate is never good, who ever it is directed towards.

I’d like to say I’m sorry it got messy, and I’m sorry for how I’ve dealt with things. I never wanted to lose you completely, and I know I pushed you away, fact is I’d take you back tomorrow by we both know that’s not a good idea.

Now that your back in London, I wanted you to know that I want you to find happiness because that’s what all this is about: you being unhappy. I hope that you learn how to let people in and open up your heart to others. I want you to know that hate is destructive, and to let it go. I want you to find love. I want you to give love and receive love. I want you to feel all the things I wanted to make you feel but I couldn’t. Most importantly, i want you to love yourself.

As I close the final chapters of my bad year and move forward, know I’ll always be a part of you and that you will always have a place in my heart. Despite how badly things ended, I hold onto the happiness you brought me, and the realisation that I needed to make a change in my life. This has made me realise I’m surrounded by love, and yes you broke my heart but it’s taught me the risk was worth that.

I’ll never fall out of love with you, you will always be my first love, but I’ve accepted that things have changed and we’ve gone our separate ways. Please be good, and thank you for all the good things. I love you.

That teen you met in maccies