Hey Ryan..

I know you will never see this, but I have to vent. I’m so happy that you’re happy. I truly am. Beautiful family and everything congrats. I too have a beautiful family now and also in love, but for some reason you still always cross my mind. I don’t want you to do, but you do. I have dreams of us meeting up and having coffee, and…… lol. I don’t understand why, but I do. I’m sorry for everything that I put you through in the past. I was young and it my first relationship and I didn’t know what was right or wrong.. I truly didn’t. I understand that I’m a little dysfunctional but I also grew up in a very dysfunctional upbringing… I know it’s been a lot of years.. but sometimes I wonder the what ifs or what the future brings. I did some shitty things to you and I’m sorry. I was angry that you cut me out of your life and I wanted you to feel my anger as well because trust me I was angry, sad, destroyed when you blocked me out of your life. Everything happens for for a reason obviously because I wouldn’t have my family and you wouldn’t have yours. I’m getting married in less then a year. && I was told you’re engaged congrats on that… I know you hate me, but I will always love you. Anyways I don’t even know what to say anymore but it’s good to get it off my chest…. I truly hope you have an amazing life. I know you never loved me the way I loved you but that’s okay. I have become one with it.